Power of the Gods
by MickDunD
Summary: Three things that you can count on to intervene: fate, accidents, and immortality. When three members Atatsuki cheat death, they are hurled into the distant future to take part in a strange competition called the Sekirei Plan. What will they do? How will they react? And will Hidan ever learn to shut up? 'Don't know, un. DeidaraXFlock, ObitoxFlock, HidanxFlock.
1. Chapter 1

**MickDunD here with my newest story. I've been watching Sekirei lately, as well as brushing up on my Naruto. And for some reason, my favorite characters, the Akatsuki kept popping into my head. Mix that with the Sekirei, the plot goblins, and the constant stream of Eminem that I've been blasting straight into my ears made me write this. Basically, a few lucky members of the Akatsuki escape death and end up in the future thanks to two accidents with Space-Time Ninjutsu and one loudmouth Jashinist's immortality. Besides, there are no AkatsukixSekirei fics out there, so this is long overdue in a way. So read and review and enjoy. If I do something right, tell me. If you have a suggestion for a Sekirei harem, tell me. Or if you're just bored and you need somebody to bitch to, tell me!**

**Enjoy!**

Obito POV

I smiled as I watched Naruto charge towards me, Rasengan outstretched and aimed at my remaining Rinnegan eye. We had to destroy it before Madara could get it. Without it, then they would be able to kill him again. Black Zetsu tried to force me to dodge it, but I resisted him. I needed to make things right. Everything I had done in Madara's name needed to be fixed. I was too weak from sealing the Juubi into myself and then releasing the sealed Bijuu again right now to help the reanimated Hokage fight him personally, but there was a way I could weaken him: by dying and taking the remaining Rinnegan with me and Black Zetsu.

_Kakashi…Minato-sensei…Rin,_ I thought as the swirling mass of chakra neared my head. _I'm sorry for everything I've done. Maybe this is how I'll redeem myself?_

Suddenly, Black Zetsu wrested control of my body away from me and forced all my chakra into my empty right eye socket. The hollow pit in my face burned horribly but I watched as a swirling vortex appeared right over the socket. Somehow, Zetsu must have activated my Kamui, trying to suck the jutsu in before it could hit me. How he was doing it without my eye, I didn't know. Maybe he was using the First Hokage's healing abilities to rebuild my eye?

The blue ball of chakra warped into the space-time vortex for a moment before I poured every single bit of willpower into a lunge, throwing my body into the jutsu and forcing it into my face over my left eye. The Rasengan hit me and I felt it tear through my skull. It didn't hurt that much because a literal second after I felt it touch my skin everything I felt everything vanish in a huge flash of light before everything went black. I felt myself warp into my own Kamui, a strange cold prickling into my skin and a weight pressing down on my chest, forcing the air out of me and into the vacuum of death.

Takami's POV

"Shit," I said as I looked at the reports about Karasuba's latest mission. Ten insurgents killed in addition to the one hundred innocent men, women, and children who had "gotten in her way." I hated this part of my job, the part that made me want to drown myself in a whisky bottle after seeing it. I became a doctor so I could try and help people out, but all I was doing now was overseeing a madman command a monster onto the innocent masses.

I grabbed my temple as a headache started coming on and started thinking about something else.

_The stem cells think about the stem cells, Takami,_ I told myself.

Using some of the technology that we had taken from the Sekirei Ship, MBI had just perfected flash-stem-cell-cloning, which would once again revolutionize medical science. We could now grow people new organs and appendages in a matter of minutes just from a single strand of DNA. Although so far we had only grown small things like hands and legs for army veterans or car accident victims. Secretly I was wishing for a way to test out much larger transplants, but I didn't want anyone to get injured that badly.

My eyes widened for a moment as suddenly the ground shook violently as if there was an earthquake. I dismissed it as nothing. After all, this was Japan, the land where a day without earthquakes came once in a blue moon. But to my surprise the shaking only intensified to the point where my computer fell off my desk. That was impossible. MBI Tower had been built with the leading earthquake-proof architecture.

"Um, Takami?" asked Number 88 from the examination table. "Why is the ground moving?"

"It's nothing, Musubi," I said. "It'll go away in a moment, just relax."

"Okay!" she said in a happy voice. "Musubi will be good!"

Suddenly the air around me shimmered and danced about as if it was solid. Then it began to warm and spin around in a circle, originating around a single focal point in the ceiling like a whirlpool in the middle of the air. It was like a tiny black hole surrounded by its own personal hurricane. Whatever it was, it was giving off a strange energy, blowing her hair around as all the light lose objects in the room hurtled towards its center. She watched as a black spot opened up at the center of the vortex, twisting around into a strange figure. Then the tearing sound started…and then the screaming.

Parts of the figure tore off in the force of the vortex and disappeared in the middle of the air, ground to particles by the sheer power of whatever the hell was going on. As each piece tore off, the figure's screaming got louder and louder until it finally stopped and she could see what the hell was making such a bloodcurdling noise.

It was a man, probably in his early twenties. He was wearing a torn purple, high-collared, long sleeve mantle that splits down the lower half, but only one of his legs was showing from underneath. His face was horribly disfigured, mainly on the right side but it looked like an old wound that had scarred over. The left side of his face looked like he had pressed a belt-sander over his eye on full speed. He was missing both eyes, as well as his right arm. A closer look showed me that pretty much all of his right side was missing, like it had been torn off. Blood began to pool under his shredded clothes and a ragged breath tore from his lips. My jaw hit the floor. Someone with injuries like this should have died a second after he got them. The fact that he was still breathing amazed me.

I blinked and remembered my training.

"Musubi!" I called. "Get this man onto a stretcher! And for god's sake, be gentle with him!"

"O-okay," she said, picking up the strange man and putting him onto the stretcher that she had been brought into the adjustment room on.

Her feet dented the solid metal floor, as did all unadjusted Sekirei, but somehow the man in her arms was unharmed by her massive strength. A trail of blood dripped from his side as Musubi laid him on the stretcher. I pushed her out of the way and secured his body onto the gurney, shoving my lab coat against his bleeding side and tearing out the electrical cables from a nearby machine and tying them around his body to make a tourniquet or sorts. I wheeled him out of the room and into the hallway punching the first emergency call button that I could find.

"This is Dr. Sahashi!" I yelled into the speaker. "We have a level four casualty in the adjustment wing! Prep the examination room for surgery, and set up the flash-cloner, STAT!"

I yelled the last part so no one would think I was kidding. Musubi was following me as I pushed the gurney down the hallway towards the examination room. I burst inside and grabbed the nearest doctor.

"This man has had an accident," I told him. "Don't ask me what happened, because you don't want to know. Just stop the bleeding and see if we can't get him a new arm and leg."

"Right away, Dr. Sahashi," he said from underneath his surgical mask.

I left to the safety of the observation room as I got ready to scrub up and aid with the surgery, watching as they picked a strand of the man's hair and fed it into the flash-cloner. It would probably be ten minutes or so before the new arm and leg was ready for transplant. If he could hold out for ten minutes not only would he be the luckiest son of a bitch I had ever seen, but he would be the first to receive the full extent of MBI's newest medical science.

I spared a glance at the man as they fed a tube down his throat to keep him alive. Who was he? Where was he from? Did he have anything to do with that strange vortex that spit him out? I shook my head and pulled on a spare set of scrubs.

_I'll save his life first, _I thought. _Then I'll ask questions. _

Deidara POV (At the end of the battle with Sasuke Uchiha):

"This will be my ultimate piece of art!" I yelled as I fed the detonating clay into my chest mouth. "I'll explode…I shall die and become art itself! This will be like no explosion before it, and it will leave a scar upon the Earth unlike anything else. Then, my art will receive the admiration it's always deserved!"

I looked at him as his eyes widened. My ultimate art was almost complete! Soon it would detonate and I would finally kill him!

"Tremble! Be afraid! Recoil in despair! Cower in awe and cry your heart out!" I screamed a little crazy-ish as my body began to pull in on itself. "Because my art…"

The black ball that was now my body/art began to crack. From within it, I could still see everything that was going on outside. My breath hitched as I watched Itachi's little brother bit his thumbs and started weaving hand signs. I recognized them right away, a summoning jutsu! He was going to summon something to protect him from my art!

_No, it'll be too late, yeah,_ I grinned as the final crack appeared in the sphere. _There's no way that he'll be able to endure the blast. It'll last for a full five minutes straight! _

**_"Is an EXPLOSION!" _**I yelled as the sphere burst and unleashed my ultimate art.

As I exploded, my body slowly reformed back into its human form. It was a special technique that I had woven into my C0, something that would allow me to see what exactly my ultimate art would look like before I died along with the blast. I relished the feeling of becoming the true meaning of art. It was a heavenly feeling, being a mass of pure beauty and destruction like the world had never seen before. But then something went wrong. From within the explosion, I could feel a gap appear inside the blast, right where the Uchiha had been standing when I had detonated myself. He _had_ managed summon something to keep himself from being turned into art!

But before I could lament that my own death would be for nothing, I felt a strong pull on my body. It was almost as if I was being sucked away into the void made by the summoning jutsu. I yelled and fought against its pull as hard as I could. I wanted to become art; I wanted to become a fleeting explosion of beauty that fulfils its existence with a single bang! The light of my glorious explosion slowly died from my eyes before I found myself spinning around inside some kind of vortex. It was like the time that I had tried to blow up Tobi and he had used his freaky space-time jutsu on me. But all I could feel was an unbearable cold wearing down on me as well as a huge pressure on my lungs. I couldn't breathe and I started to panic. I knew that I had to be dead now, but the feeling of being choked forced me to fight back against the blackness.

Suddenly the cold feeling disappeared, along with the pressure on my chest. I sucked in a breath and pushed myself upright, my chest heaving as I blinked. The darkness clouding my vision vanished and I looked around.

I was sitting in the middle of a deep, wide, crater, which was still smoking from the explosion that had made it. Despite my surroundings, I was strangely unharmed, shirtless, and very much alive.

"What the hell, un?" I asked to no one in particular. "Where am I?"

My hands dug into the soft ground, pulling up a lump of dirty clay. _Well, at least I'm not unarmed, _I thought as I looked down at my singed pants and Shinobi sandals. _And at least I'm not naked. _

I checked my clay pouches and found that they were both relatively intact as well as empty. Quickly, I scooped up as much clay as I could and filled both pouches to the brim. I was very low on chakra, though…so there was no way for me to make my detonating clay yet. Besides, I had to figure out where the hell I was.

I climbed up the steep sides of the crater, my muscles aching with protest. I dragged myself out of the crater arm over arm, panting hard. Without my chakra, I was as weak as a kitten. A strange wailing sound reached my ears and I winced slightly at the sound.

"TOBI, SHUT UP, UN!" I reflexively yelled over my shoulder. "Huh?"

I looked behind me to see people wearing dark blue uniforms running at me, one of them two of them carrying a stretcher. They were really weird clothes, like something that might have come out of one of a manga or one of that stupid Sannin's porn books. I felt them grab me and force me down on the stretcher, talking over each other as they carried me out towards a big white machine.

"Wait, yeah!" I protested as a set of doors opened and people in white clothes took the stretcher. "What the hell is going on? Who are you? Where am I?"

"You're in Shinto Teito," said a woman as she looked over me. "Relax, you've just been through a traumatic event. So please just stay still, I promise that you're in good hands."

I felt something poke into my arm and suddenly my vision went blurry. I was so sleepy all the sudden, the sedative only boosting the feelings of my own exhaustion.

_Shinto Teito, huh?_ I thought as my eyelids fluttered shut. _I guess I'm still alive after all._

Hidan POV:

"OI! KAKUZU!" I yelled for the millionth time since I had been stuck down here. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE, YOU FUCKTARD! GET ME OUTTA HERE!"

I huffed in annoyance as there was no response. I didn't know what I had done to piss him off like this. Okay, okay, maybe I had shredded some of the money he had gotten for one of the heathens we had killed. Alright, fine, so I shredded all of it. I was sure that I hadn't been stuck down here that long. I mean, I had only managed to chew a little gap around my head so I could yell for help. This had happened to me before once, so I could tell that I had been here for only a few hours. Or maybe I had been down here for hundreds of years?!

"Eh, what the hell?" I grunted. I couldn't die so there was no need to worry. Someone was bound to hear my shouts and come find me. After that, it was time to go kill that pineapple-haired kid for putting me here.

"HELLO?" I screamed at the top of my voice. "CAN ANYONE FUCKING HEAR ME? KAKUZU! COME ON, KAKUZU…OLD FRIEND….PLEASE SEW MY BODY BACK TOGETHER! I'M NOT SORRY FOR SHREDDING YOUR FUCKING BLOOD MONEY IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY, BUT PLEASE PUT ME BACK TOGETHER? HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

Suddenly, the ground around me quaked hard and from above ground I could hear a loud "boom!" I reflexively shut my eyes to protect them from the falling dirt, which filled up the cavern that I had made around my head. I groaned. All that hard work destroyed by something that felt like…

"SHE-MALE?!" I yelled, my voice muffled by the dirt. "WHAT THE FUCK? I THOUGHT YOU DIED! OI, DEIDARA-CHAN! IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOLE! HELLO? I KNOW THAT WAS YOUR EXPLOSION, SO THERE'S NO USE HIDING! HELLO?"

I had a strange feeling that I would be getting out of here soon, so I just kept yelling at the top of my lungs, waiting for either that she-male or the miser to come and get my ass out of this Jashin-dammed hole. After that, it was time to get back to sacrifices!

**Okay, tell me how this was because I desperately want to know your opinions. Should I continue this? Or should I focus more on Organized Chaos? Or should I give equal amounts of time to each one? I don't know, so you guys have to be the ones who know! Now tell me or I'll**

**A) Kill you in the name of peace.**

**B) Turn you all into beautiful fleeting art**

**C) Turn you all into beautiful eternal art**

**D) Sacrifice your asses to Jashin-sama!**

**E) Shred you with Samehada**

**F) …Hn…**

**G) Give you to Sempai, because Tobi is a good boy!**

**H) You're not worth any money, so Hidan can have you. **

**I) We'll just eat you. ****_The one in Seattle looks delicious. _****I know, right? **


	2. Reunion and Reaction

Chapter 2: Reunion and Reaction

**Yeah, baby! Shady's back in town, **_**biiitch!**_** Oh, wait…wrong personality. Anyway, sorry this is out so late, I've had quarterly's and chemistry examinations, plus SAT tutors (Fuck the man who made those tests), and finally, I've made my debut onto the rap scene at my school's music festival. But the point is, I'm back with a new installment of Power of the Gods. I won't spoil anything, so you'll just have to read and find out! **

**Enjoy!**

Obito POV:

I slept better than I had in many, many years. For once, I didn't have nightmares about that day…the day that Rin died and I lost hope in the world. I was grateful for this peaceful sleep, since I was feeling better than ever before. I sighed and shifted around on the bed. Death was surprisingly comfortable, even for someone who had done as much evil as I had. When I realized the strangeness of that last thought, my eyes snapped open and I took in my surroundings. I was lying on a decently comfortable hospital bed in what looked like to be a hospital room. But it wasn't like one I had ever seen before. There were so many machines around the room, ones that I had never seen before. Some of them were computers, judging from the keyboards and monitors they had, but they looked so alien compared to the ones that I had seen before. Was I in one of Orochimaru's old bases? No, it seemed to clean to belong to that snake.

A door opened and a woman walked in. She seemed to be in her forties, with greying hair that hung low over her eyes. She was wearing strange clothes under a long white lab coat. Her eyes were a little harsh and demanding, but nothing like Madara's.

"Ah, so you're awake?" she asked. "Good, for a moment we thought we might have lost you."

I tried to sit up, but my muscles didn't want to respond. I grimaced and tried again. My limbs shook violently as I tried to force myself off the bed, but they didn't respond. It was almost as if I had minor chakra exhaustion while wearing Gai's extreme training weights. I felt a hand hit my head gently in a reprimanding position.

"No moving," the woman said, sternly. "After all the time it took to grow those new limbs for you, I don't want you tearing them off."

I paused. New limbs? I searched my mind until I was sure of it. Somehow I didn't have Zetsu flesh attached to my body. My right side felt complete again; as in it was made of entirely human flesh, not Hashirama's cells.

"Wha?" I croaked, my vision slowly sharpening until I could see semi-clearly again. "Where…where am…I?"

"Shinto Teito Hospital," the woman said, dragging what sounded like a chair over to my bed. "MBI owns this facility, so you're getting the best treatment money can buy…but don't worry, you won't have to pay thanks to us testing that experimental treatment on you."

I would have scowled at her, but I couldn't really move well. And I was no stranger to experimental medical treatments, Madara-sam…_Madara_ had done plenty of them on me when he found me crushed under the rocks.

"How long?" I asked.

"Sorry?" she asked.

"How long until I'm able to move properly?" I asked.

"A few hours at most," she said. "You heal very quickly…?"

"Tobi," I said. "Call me Tobi."

I didn't want anyone to know who I was until I found out what in Kami's name was going on here. Shinto Teito? I had never heard of any place like that from Zetsu or any other members of Akatsuki. Had I been kidnapped by this woman? No, I didn't sense any chakra from her, but I did feel a lot of it coming from a person down the hall.

"Well then Tobi-san," she said. "My team is on standby in case you need anything."

"Thank you," I said simply, closing my eyes.

"You should be able to see clearly in the morning," she said. "And by the way…that's a very interesting eye mutation you have."

"Eye mutation?" I asked.

"The eyes we cloned for you were red blood red with designs on them when they came out of the cloner," she said. "Don't worry, it looks like we just made a mistake in copying the DNA over. Your body's already corrected the mistake. Get some sleep and I'll have someone check on you in the morning."

The door shut, leaving me all alone in the hospital room. My mind was running a mile a minute from what she said. Cloned eyes? Red eyes with designs? Sharingan? Did I…did I have _both_ of my Sharingan back? I built up a little burst of chakra in my eye sockets and pushed it forwards. My blurry eyesight sharpened as if a film of grime had been washed from them. I could see everything in the tiniest details. More so, I could judge distances naturally again! I really did have both my eyes back! I turned my head to the window and stared out at the window at the skyline. Wherever this place was, it reminded me of Amegakure. There were tall skyscrapers as far as I could see, but there was no rain here. I pushed a bit more chakra to my eyes and activated my Mangekyō Sharingan. To my surprise, my vision wasn't strained at all. Perhaps the eye transplant with my own cloned Sharingan had allowed for the Eternal Mangekyō to manifest itself? I was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I simply deactivated my Sharingan altogether and stared up at the ceiling.

Suddenly the door banged open and someone charged in. I readied a genjutsu in case of an assassin, but what I saw next shocked me to the core.

"Whew, un," said the man who had just charged into my room and slammed the door shut behind him. "That was close."

"D-D-Deidara?" I stammered.

"Yeah, yeah?" the bomber asked, turning to face me. He was wearing a blue hospital gown like I was, with bandages wrapped around his palms. And as far as I could see, he wasn't an Edo Tensei. "Hey, how do you know my name?"

I swallowed and thought fast. Even if Deidara used to be my partner, I didn't fully trust him with the secret of my identity. Letting him see my face was worse enough, letting him know who I really was…I wasn't going to even allow myself the possibility to think about it.

"Really?" I asked in a squeaky voice. "That hurts that you don't remember me…Deidara-sempai!"

The bomber's visible eye shot open and he started stammering as he pointed at me, disbelievingly. Then he did the unexpected…he started banging his head against the wall.

"WHY?!" he screamed.

"What's wrong, sempai?" I asked, slipping into my fake Tobi persona. "Is sempai mad at Tobi? Did Tobi do something wrong? Ah! Wait, don't be mad, Deidara-sempai! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Shut up, un!" he snapped at me. "Dammit, the only way this could get worse is if Hidan were here."

Cut to Hidan POV:

"ACHOO!" I sneezed hard, causing dust to rattle around the hole and get in my eyes. "FUCK! THAT JASHIN-DAMN HURTS!"

And We're Back to Tobito:

"Yeah, Hidan-sempai's loud," I laughed. "But how did you get here, sempai? Last I heard, you died."

"Wait, then you didn't get killed by my ultimate art?" Deidara said, grabbing the footboard of my bed.

"Nope!" I chirped. "Tobi did as sempai told him and ran away! Because Tobi is a-GAAAK!"

Before I could even hope to finish the sentence I felt Deidara's hands around my neck, choking the life out of me.

"Shut up, baka! This is probably your fault that we're stuck here!" he yelled. "Dammit, why the hell did I have to come here, yeah? I wish I _had _died in my ultimate art! Then I wouldn't be stuck here with you!"

"Gaaack! Sempai!" I squeaked. "You're choking me!"

With a huff, he let go and stormed over to the window. "So we're stuck here for now, un," he muttered. "And I can't get to my detonating clay to get out of here."

He turned to me and gave me a flat look. "As much as I hate to ask, Tobi," he said, "can you teleport us out of here with that eye jutsu of yours?"

"Sorry, Sempai," I sniffed. "I don't have enough chakra for it to work. And I'm hurt too."

He sighed and facepalmed. "I guess there's no helping it, yeah," he sighed as he disconnected me from the machines and helped me up. "We're going to find my clay and turn this place into art. Then we're going home, un."

Deidara POV

I hate the universe _so _much right now. Not only am I stuck in this weird place with no clay, but I'm stuck with _TOBI_ of all people. Not to mention that he couldn't use his eye jutsu to get us out of this stupid hospital. But once I got my clay back, that wouldn't be much of a problem, now would it?

"Come on, hmm," I said as I helped Tobi to the door.

"Sempai! You really care about Tobi!" the moron sniffed as he limped alongside me. "Wait, Sempai…how did you not get blown up by your ultimate art?"

I blinked. After waking up from that sedative I got in the park, I hadn't given it much thought. I was just focused on getting my clay.

"I'm not really sure," I admitted, dragging Tobi down the hallway. "One moment, I'm about to kill Itachi's younger brother with my ultimate art…next I think he used a summoning jutsu and I felt like I was being sucked into your eye again, hmm. Then I wake up in a crater in the middle of some park then I'm here."

"Hmm, that's odd," Tobi said. "Very odd indeed."

For a moment I thought his voice had gotten deeper, but them he started babbling about how hungry he was and that he wanted dango. _Fucking lollipop,_ I thought to myself. _Oh, crap…now I sound like Hidan._

"Wait a minute, Sempai," Tobi said, pointing to a door on our right. "Listen!"

I looked towards the door and realized that there was some noise coming from behind it. It was open a crack and then I could hear the sounds of two people talking. It sounded like two girls on the other side.

"So there was only one survivor from that bomb earlier?" asked one voice in a high-pitched voice.

"Yeah, that's what they're saying," said a lazier, almost bored voice. "I saw him earlier, he looks like a girl."

"You mean like a bishonen?"

"No, I mean he actually looked like a girl," said the lazy one. "One of the doctors tried to get him in the hospital gown and freaked out when he took off the guy's pants. Honestly, I think he's a transvestite."

"Huh?" I could feel my eyebrows shoot up.

Tobi snorted and then covered his mouth stifling his laugh.

"I heard that number eighty-eight nearly killed a guy this morning during her adjustments," said the annoyingly high pitched once. "He looked like he had been through a blender."

"Keh, humans are weak," said the lazy voice.

"Sempai, they're saying mean things about Tobi!" he whined. But I didn't hear him.

"_I…am not…a…__**WOMAN**__!"_ I yelled as I kicked down the door and threw Tobi inside ahead of me to test for hidden traps.

Inside were two girls who looked to be a few years younger than me. They were wearing similar clothes, a black kimono with a bird design, although one of them was tattered so bad that it looked like hers had been through the Zombies on a bad day. One had pink-red hair with two clips in it, the other had messy silver hair that hung around her eyes. But what drew my attention the most were the two pouches of detonating clay on the table in between them.

"Owww, sempaiiii!" Tobi whined as he picked himself up. "Oh, look Deidara-sempai, it's your clay!"

"Alright, un!" I grinned, doing a quick shunshin over to it and buckling it around my waist.

"What the hell?" the pink haired one exclaimed, identifying her as the loud one. "Who the hell are you guys?"

"Tobi! We're getting out of here, yeah!" I said, plunging my hands into the clay and starting to mold my chakra into it.

"You got it, sempai!" he said as the pink haired one reached for him. "Oh?"

I thought I saw his eyes turn red for a moment before the girl fell through him as he activated his jutsu.

"Hooray, Tobi has his charka again!" he jumped around, clapping his hands wildly.

"Grrr! Haihane!" yelled the pink haired one as she got up and swung at me. "Get the other one…Blondie's mine!"

"Real cute," I smirked and opened my hands, spitting up the single C1 explosive I had just made and throwing it at her. "But you'll have to do better than that!"

"KATSU!"

The blast was magnificent, ripping apart the entire room and knocking out the wall behind us. Tobi just turned intangible and let it roll right through him. I just stood in the safe zone and reveled in the beauty of true art.

"Wow, Sempai," Tobi said, looking out the hole in the wall. "We sure are high up."

"Quiet, un," I said as the rubble behind us moved. "Before I kick you out that window."

Coughing, the pink haired one dug herself out of the wreckage. "You…" she growled, "you ruined my shirt!"

She was holding her arm sideways across her chest to hide her boobs, which were smaller than that pink-haired girl that had killed Sasori no Danna. I snorted as Tobi tugged on my arm.

"Ne, Deidara-Sempai," he said giggled, pointing at the girl. "That one sounds like a girl, but looks like a man! He could be your brother!"

"WHAT/UN!?" the two of us screamed.

"Well, Sempai sounds like a man, but he looks like a girl," he said, ticking off the reasons on his fingers. "And this guy sounds like a girl but looks like a man, so Tobi thought that."

"TOBI SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OR I'LL BLOW YOUR ASS TO KINGDOM COME, YEAH!" I shouted, slamming him in the head before strangling him before he could finish his sentence.

"WHY YOU!" yelled the pink-haired girl as she lunged at my idiot partner, moving faster than most shinobi could on a good day.

"Huh-MMPH?" Tobi asked as he turned towards her. To my utter enjoyment, the moron turned right into the path of her face and got a good kiss on the lips.

"Heh, serves you right, Tobi," I grinned.

Suddenly, the room lit up with brilliant pink light. A weird symbol emerged from the girl's back, some kind of bird with a yin-yang circle. A millisecond after the symbol formed, six beams of light shot out from the back of her neck, extending like a series of wings.

"Whoa, yeah," I said, looking at them.

"No…" the girl whispered as she pulled away from Tobi's face, her own expression one of horror. "Not like this…"

"Sempaaaaaai!" Tobi squealed as he scrambled backwards. "This girl is scaring Tobi! Let's get out of here!"

"Right!" I said, forming a bigger clay bird and expanding it. "Let's go!"

We both hopped on it and I maneuvered it out into open air.

"What are we going to do now?" Tobi asked.

"First off, we need some new clothes," I said, looking at the hospital gown that Tobi and I were wearing. "Then we're going to find out where the hell we are, un!"

"Sempai's so smart!" the idiot sniffed as he gave me what most members of Akatsuki had dubbed "the Tobi glomp." Heck, even Hidan and Kakuzu freaked out when he did it to them (okay, Kakuzu just punched him away, but Hidan freaked out and wouldn't stop cursing until you got the moron off him).

"Get off me, yeah!" I said as I piloted the bird away. "Tobi, I will kick you off this bird if you don't get off me right now, un!"

"SEMPAAAAAAI!"

"KATSU!"

Kusano POV

I was scared.

I was standing in the middle of a hallway. I didn't know which hallway, but it was scary and dark.

And it was wet.

The floor was covered in some kind of strange red water, trails of it led down the hallway into the darkness from a few lumps that were scattered around the hall. I looked left and right, shivering a little as a cold draft blew down from behind me. I could hear a faint sound from down the hallway. It sounded like someone was laughing.

"H-hello?" I asked the darkness, taking a few steps forward.

The laughter got louder and I could hear footsteps coming closer and closer. Now I realized that it wasn't a happy laugh…it was a scary one. I saw something move in the hallway in front of me, a large shape that was coming closer and closer, as the laugh got louder and louder.

"Wh-who's there?" I asked. "Takami-neechan? Musubi-neechan?"

"EEEYEAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! DIE, YOU IGNORANT HEATHENS! JASHIN-SAMA, LOOK AT ALL THE BLOOD I'VE SPILLED IN YOUR NAME! KEEYHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

There was a scream from another voice, the sound of something tearing, and then the laughter turned into a shriek of…what was it called again? How Takami-neechan called Number Four? Oh, insane! The shape moved into the light and I screamed. It was a man…he was wearing a ripped up coat with red clouds on it and he was carrying a big metal sharp-thing. He looked weird too, with silver hair that was slicked back and light pink eyes. But his face was what scared me…his smile…he was scarier than Number Four.

"P-please!" I said, falling back and scooting away. "Don't hurt me!"

The man's grin got even bigger as he walked forwards, his shoes squelching on the wet floor. I whimpered and curled up as I started crying, hoping that the plants would come and protect me from this man. He stopped right in front of me and knelt down so his head was right next to mine.

"Aww, come on!" he protested, tapping my head with his hand. "Oi, little bitch! Stop with the fucking waterworks, for Jashin's sake, sheesh, I didn't even do anything."

I looked up and he grinned even bigger. "There we go," he said, hefting his sharp thing over his shoulder. "It's so much more when they're screaming!"

I shrieked as he swung down, expecting for him to kill me. But the sharp-thing didn't even touch me. It hit one of those lumpy things that was leaking the red stuff. It made a strange sound, like it was gargling before bedtime and then stopped moving. The strange man laughed again before looking over his shoulder and sighing.

"Jashin dammit!" he said, picking up his sharp-thing. "Alright, alright, I'm coming, Pein-in-the-ass! Keep your fucking piercings on!"

"Who are you, oniichan?" I asked, standing up.

He looked over his shoulder, with an eyebrow raised. "Oniichan?" he asked. "Heh, and Kakuzu says I'm not good with brats."

He turned around and slung the sharp-thing over his back and shrugged with one shoulder. "Nice meeting you, little bitch," he said. "Fuck, I wouldn't mind seeing you again after this!"

With that, the entire world faded to black as I sat up. I was in my own bed in the lab.

"So it was all just a dream?" I asked, oniichan's words echoing in my head.

"Kuu-chan?" Takami-neechan poked her head into my room. "I thought I heard you screaming a little while ago. Did you have a bad dream?"

"Um, I don't think so," I said, rubbing my eyes as a question popped into my head. "Takami-neechan?"

"Yes?"

"What's a bitch?"

**Muhahahahahah! I'm evil aren't I? To recap! Deidara and Tobito have reunited at the MBI hospital, Obito has both his Sharingan again, Obito has winged Benitsubasa by accident and neither he nor Deidara know what the hell is going on. And little Kusano has just started reacting to our favorite immortal zealot! I foresee a lot of headaches coming on!**

**BTW, I tried to write Kusano in the way she would see the world. If it seems juvenile or unimaginative, now you know why. **

**AUTHOR QUESTION: SHOULD I ADD KAKUZU? TOBITO AND DEIDARA ARE PARTNERS AND IT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT THAT HIDAN SHOULD BE WITHOUT HIS. SO I'M LEAVING IT UP TO YOU, MY LOYAL READERS. **

**If you have requests for the Akatsuki's Sekirei, leave them in a review. So far its:**

**ObitoxBenitsubasa**

**HidanxKusano (don't worry, Hidan's not going to pull an Orochimaru)**

**Deidarax?**

**I plan on having each of them have a flock of at least three, so tell me who you want to see end up with them!**

**MickDunD-Out!**


	3. Hidan's Winging

Chapter 3: Hidan's Winging

**WHAT UP, GUYS! I'M BACK WITH THIS NEW CHAPTER OF POWER OF THE GODS AND, NOT TO BRAG, BUT ITS PRETTY ILL. SORRY, I'VE BEEN RAPPING WAY TO MUCH LATELY…AND YET I'M STILL BETTER THAN KILLER BEE, LOL. ANYWAY, I'VE BEEN LAID UP IN BED ALL SPRING BREAK, WHICH SUCKS ASS, BTS…AND I THOUGHT 'WHY NOT WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER?' WELL, HERE IT IS!**

**ENJOY!**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS HIDAN'S MOUTH, HIDAN'S RITUAL, AND NUMBER 43'S PERVERSENESS. **

Takami POV

Currently, you could sum up my life in one word…headache.

Two days ago, two men broke out of the MBI hospital, one of them was that strange man from the vortex, Tobi. The other was the only apparent survivor of the park bombing. We still didn't know his name, he'd managed to escape his room shortly after he woke up. Me, I was focused on trying to keep the public from going crazy after the two of them blew a hole in the fifty-second floor of the hospital in the middle of rush hour. Minaka, on the other hand, was focused on what Benitsubasa and Haihane had told him about the two men.

Tobi? He turned intangible and was able to dodge one of Benitsubasa's hardest blows by just standing there.

The blonde one? He had fully-functioning mouths in his both of his hands and was able to make bombs with them, the bombs made entirely of ordinary clay. He was also able make birds out of the clay that could actually fly.

Minaka was obsessed by these two, putting out images of them to all the MBI cells around the world along with bounties reaching millions. He was going crazy looking for them. I was surprised when he actually tried to send Karasuba out into Teito to look for them. What _didn't_ surprise me was that Karasuba just laughed and told him to do it himself before going to train. But what had recently been added to my already excruciating migraine was

"Um, Takami-neechan, what does 'fuck' mean?"

"Kuu-chan, don't say that," I said as I tightened my grip on her hand. "That's a bad word!"

"But oniichan says it," she pouted.

There you have it: little, innocent Kusano was not only reacting to an Ashikabi, but she was swearing too. An eight-year old Sekirei using words like "fuck" and "bitch" like she had been using them all her life…it was a little heartbreaking to see Kuu's innocence slowly slipping away. If Minato of Yukari had been using those words when they were Kuu's age, I would have slapped them silly.

"I don't care if your oniichan says it," I said, making a mental note to teach whoever Kuu was having dreams about a lesson on etiquette when I met him. "It's foul language and you should never use it!"

She huffed and gave a cute little girl pout. "You call the game master a 'son-of-a-bitch'," she said.

"That's because he _is_ one," I said. "Now, come on, let's just enjoy the arboretum, okay?"

All traces of frustration left her face as she raced down the path towards the woods. "Okay!" she giggled as she vanished into the trees. "Catch me if you can!"

"Kuu-chan, wait a minute!" I yelled as I ran after her. "Dammit, how is a little girl so damn, fast?"

I skidded to a stop in the middle of a clearing. I looked around wildly for her, looking for the flash of her white dress against the black shadows. "KUSANO!? WHERE ARE YOU!?"

"AYIIIIIIIIII!"

My head whipped around in the direction of the meadow, where Kusano had just screamed. "HOLD ON, KUU!" I yelled as I sprinted through the woods. "I'M COMING!"

I broke through branches and bramble as I raced towards the glimmer of light in the distance. I pushed through the trees and stumbled down the small hill into the meadow, coming to a stop right behind a trembling, curled-up Kusano. The ground was very dusty and dirty, with absolutely no plants around, not even a single blade of grass. Given the fact that the park bomb shook most of the founding in Shinto Teito, this was to be expected since the arboretum was the closest place to ground zero.

"Oh? What have we here?" asked a very bratty voice.

I looked up to see a Sekirei and Ashikabi standing a few yards away from Kusano. The Sekirei, I knew as Number 43, Yomi. I had adjusted her myself. The boy was listed as the Ashikabi of the South, Hayato Mikogami. According to the MBI file we had on him, he was a bratty boy who saw the Sekirei as nothing but playthings. So far, he had winged three Sekirei on record. And my guess was he wanted Kusano as his fourth.

"MBI, hmm?" he snickered. "Well, it won't matter for long. Yomi, get me that Sekirei and perhaps I'll consider winging you."

"Yes, Mikogami-sama!" she gushed happily, raising her scythe to cut Kuu-chan.

"NO, KUSANO!" I yelled, diving to throw myself in front of the blade.

Yomi took a step forwards, bringing her heel down onto a dusty, pale, and uneven rock.

"OW! FUCKING HELL, THAT JASHIN-DAMMED HURTS! QUIT STEPPING ON MY FACE!"

Everyone stopped, Yomi's scythe a literal millimeter away from my eye. We all looked around the field for the speaker.

"Who said that?" Yomi asked.

"I DID!" yelled the voice. "NOW GET YOUR FUCKING SHOE OUTTA MY EYE, BITCH! IT FUCKING HURTS, YA KNOW!"

"What the?" Yomi asked as she looked down, screamed, and then fell over backwards out cold.

"You worthless girl!" Mikogami started throwing a tantrum at Yomi's unconscious form as he walked towards her, looking down at the rock she had stepped on. "There's no way I'm winging a Sekirei who faints at the sight of a ro-EYAAAAAAAA!"

He looked down at the ground and fell over, not quite out cold, but pale-faced. "I-it-it's a-a-a," he stammered, pointing at the rock.

"I know what the fuck I am, fucktard," the voice said. "Now will someone get me out of this Jashin-dammed hole already?"

Confused as all hell, I walked over to the spot and picked up the rock. It was dirty and uneven, except for the bottom which was flat. It was about the size of a human head and kinda reminded me of a marble statue bust.

"Are you gonna look at my head all day long, or are you gonna get me the fuck out of this hole?" the voice demanded, coming from the other side of the rock.

I turned the rock around, holding it up to eye level. What scared the living shit out of me was the fact that I found myself staring into a pair of bright violet eyes, which scowled back into mine.

"Oi, you aren't Kakuzu!" the now-identified severed head yelled. "Dammit, who's supposed to put me back together now?"

"Um, ah, what, geeh, the, um, I, ha?" was my response. My mind was reeling at this new discovery. A severed head? Buried in the middle of the arboretum? And it was talking, sorry, _swearing_ at me?

"Ugh," Kusano slowly uncurled from her tight, fetal ball. "Oniichan?"

"Who's that?" the head asked. "Hey, bitch, is that Kakuzu? Took you long enough to come get me, slow-ass bastard!"

"Oniichan!" Kusano tackled the head right out of my hands, hugging it like it was her favorite stuffed animal. "I finally found you!"

"Hold on a fucking second, you…fucking…little…"the head trailed off as it saw Kusano. "You're that little girl I've been seeing in my dreams! 'The hell is a little bitch like you doing out here?"

My mind once again blew a fuse. _THIS_ was sweet, innocent, little Kusano's Ashikabi? A severed head with a foul-mouth worse than mine? How was this man still alive? He was just a head, for God's sake!

"Dammit, if Kakuzu's not here, then I've got no fucking choice," he said to himself before looking at Kusano. "Oi, little bitch. I need you to do something for me! Cut your finger enough to draw some blood. Use that bitch's scythe if you have to."

"Um, okay," she said, walking over to Yomi's scythe.

"Wait, Kuu!" I yelled, my mind reconnecting itself in time to reach out to stop her. But it was too late, a drop of blood welled on Kuu's finger.

"Alright, now draw a circle with an upside-down triangle inside it on your forehead," it said.

"Alright," she said, a little timidly, drawing the symbol. "Um, why am I doing this, oniichan?"

"It's gonna put my fucking body back together!" the head snapped, a few pieces of dust falling from its skin, revealing mess of medium-length silver hair. "It's gonna hurt like a motherfucker, but beggars can't be choosers. Alright, last step."

The head bit itself on the lip, drawing blood with a muffled "fuck!"

"Lick that blood," it said. "Then it's time to sacrifice that heathen idiot!"

Mikogami paled behind the head. I didn't know what it meant by "sacrifice," but it definitely did not sound good.

"Hold it!" I yelled, wrenching the head from Kuu's hands. "If you do that then you'll become Kuu-chan's Ashikabi! You'll be winged, Kuu!"

"Not fair, Takami-neechan!' Kuu said, grabbing at the head. "He's my oniichan! You said I would react when I was around him and I am reacting to him!"

"What she said!" the head shouted. "Now get me back together already!"

Ignoring the profanity the head began shouting, I knelt down in front of Kusano and put on what Minato and Yukari called my "mom face." "You're sure about this, Kusano?" I asked. "After this, there's no going back."

"Uh-hum!" She nodded furiously, with a determined look on her face before looking up at the head. "Oniichan? Will you be my Ashikabi?"

"What in Jashin-sama's motherfucking bloody earth that?" the head asked/swore, all impatience seemingly gone.

"You two will be bonded together for pretty much eternity," I said. "Most Sekirei see this bond as the equivalence of marriage and-"

"WHAT!?" the head thundered cutting. "I don't wanna marry a fucking brat! I ain't a fucking pedo like Orochimaru-teme and his gay-ass butt buddy, Kabuto!"

I didn't know who those people were and after hearing that bit about them, I didn't think I wanted to. "Anyway," I said, glaring at the head. "That's the case for _most_ Sekirei, not all of them. Kuu-chan is special. Her Ashikabi is like her big brother."

"Oh, well that's fucking different," the head seemed to shrug. "As long as it gets me outta this hole!"

"One last question," I said. "What's your name?"

"It's Hidan, bitch," the newly-named Hidan snapped. "Now give that little brat my head!"

I felt a tick mark appear on my forehead as I passed the head back to Kuu. She closed her eyes, leaned in and kissed Hidan right on the lips. When her lips touched his bloody ones, two things happened. First, Kuu's green wings flared into existence, bright and fairy-like. All around the field, flowers popped up, glowing pollen floating around the field like a scene from a fairy tale. The second one was not as pleasant. Hidan's face began glowing red, his skin turning black with a white skull pattern appearing on his face. He winced and began softly cursing under his breath as the ground around us began to tremble. Suddenly the ground opened up with a terrific crash and body parts began floating out of the hole, flying to Hidan and connecting. Each part had the same black and skeleton pattern as his face did and seemed to reconnect with his body easily. But the pained expression on his face told me that this was not a pleasant process. Finally, the glowing stopped and the bone pattern faded into his skin. He dropped to the ground in one piece…and completely naked.

"PRAISE BE TO YOU, JASHIN-SAMA!" he yelled at the sky with an insane grin and a maniacal scream. "IN YOUR NAME I WILL BRING SLAUGHTER TO THE PATHETIC HEATHENS OF THIS LAND!"

"For god's sake, cover yourself!" I raged, hitting him over the head before covering Kuu's eyes.

"With what, bitch?" he asked, making no motions to hide his chest and…genitals. "Does it look like that pineapple-headed kid stuck my clothes down there with me?"

"I don't even want to know what that means!" I decided aloud, looking around for something for him to cover his junk with.

"Here," I said, taking off my lab coat and throwing it over him. "Wear this."

He took it and shrugged before turning his eyes on Mikogami, who had not moved at all from where he had fallen on his ass when he first saw Hidan. He grinned and rummaged around in the pit for a minute, cursing up a storm before he hopped back up, a black stick in his right hand.

"Get, ready, kid!" he cackled as he flicked the stick open into a black pike with a sharp end.

Mikogami screamed and scrambled away from the semi-naked man. With the speed that I had only seen from Number 1, Karasuba, and Yume, he blurred out of sight and reappeared in front of him, slashing with the pike. The kid yelped as the tip scratched his face and drew blood. Hidan grinned and leapt away, licking the blood off his pike as he did. Right away his skin turned back into that skeleton pattern, which just made him seem more and more mentally unstable.

"Kuu-chan, don't look," I said, crouching down and covering the tiny Sekirei's eyes. I had a bad feeling about what Hidan was about to do.

Sure enough, I was right. Hidan raised the pike above his head and brought it down on his hand, ripping his skin open. He grunted in pain as the blood dripped down, splattering all around his feet. Then he planted his right foot in the blood and began to draw that same symbol that he had Kuu make on the ground, just on a larger scale. When it was finally finished, he looked at Mikogami and put on a contemplating expression.

"Should I take my time with this and enjoy it?" he asked to no one in particular. "Or should I just get it over with and appease Jashin-sama for all that time I wasn't carrying out his will? Ah, Jashin-dammit, this is why I hate fucking decision-making!"

He looked behind him at me and Kuu, who was probably peeking through my fingers to watch. He sighed and then turned back to Mikogami. "I can't believe I'm following the Jashin-dammed old miser's advice to be quick with my ritual," he sighed, twirling the pike in his hands into a stabbing position, placing the tip over his heart. "Sorry, kid, it looks like we won't be able to savor the agony as much as I'd like to. You understand, right?"

"S-s-s-stay back!" the fifteen year old stammered as he scooted away from Hidan. "D-d-do you k-know wh-who I am?"

Hidan smiled wickedly. "You're my first sacrifice to Jashin-sama in months!" he screeched, driving the pike into his chest with a howl of what sounded like…pleasure?

Mikogami froze and clutched his chest, doubling over onto his knees. He began hacking and coughing furiously as blood rushed from his lips. But I was mostly focused on Hidan. He was chuckling softly to himself, eyes turned up at the sky.

"Yeah…," he whispered to himself. "That's the stuff…"

After those words, he fell backwards spread eagle on the ground as the skeleton pattern faded.

"Oniichan!" Kuu yelled, squirming out of my hold and running over to Hidan. "Oniichan, please don't die! I just found you, oniichan!"

"I'm not dead, bitch!" he snapped, scaring the crap out of me. "I'm in the middle of a prayer here, so shut the hell up until I'm fucking done, alright?!"

I stumbled backwards, sitting down hard on the grass next to Hidan, rubbing my temples. How was this man still alive? He had just committed suicide, for god's sake! And more importantly, how was Mikogami dead? Hidan didn't even touch him and yet he keels over like he was shot in the chest!

"I need a drink…" I mumbled to myself as I tried to work out a possible reason for what just happened.

"So do I, bitch," Hidan mumbled right back, sitting up and yanking the pike out of his chest with a wince. "You're buying, right?"

Before I could begin shouting at him I noticed that Number 43 was on her feet again.

_So Mikogami hadn't winged her yet_, I thought as I prepared to protect Kuu from the death scythe that was in Yomi's hands. Then I noticed the light flush to Yomi's cheeks and the little dribble of blood coming from her nose. I was about to ask myself why, but then I saw that her eyes were focused on Hidan's…genitals…which incidentally, were not covered while he was sitting like that. Hidan noticed and shot the Death Scythe Sekirei a perverted grin.

"Like what you see, bitch?" he smirked.

Yomi turned bright red and looked away, mumbling apologies. But her expression did not change… and I had seen that same expression on Sekirei during the preliminary tests for reaction.

"Interesting," I said to myself before looking at the body that lay several yards away. "So it seems Mikogami was not your real Ashikabi."

"N-no," she said. "I just joined up with him because he was strong…and that he said he would be able to protect me from the game."

Then she looked at Hidan, taking a hesitant step towards him before striding straight over to him when he did nothing to stop her. "But seeing you...Hidan-sama…watching your power," she said, kneeling down and cupping his face. "I think that…you're my real Ashikabi. Please, Hidan-sama…protect me."

"What the fu-" Hidan started to say when Yomi pressed her lips against Hidan's, winging herself. Her blood-red wings sprouted from her back, the color reminding me of the light from the thing Hidan had Kuu do to put him back together. The light faded and Yomi pulled away, leaving Hidan with a confused expression. He turned and looked back at me.

"Uh, I'm married to this one right?" he asked, pointing to Yomi.

"Yes," I sighed, reaching for a cigarette. It was not often to see two Sekirei being winged within minutes of each other. It was also not often that I got this bad of a headache talking to someone other than Minaka.

_Speaking of that son of a bitch,_ I thought as I lit the cigarette, watching as Kuu tried to get into Hidan's lap while Yomi tried to get another peek at his junk, nose bleeding and giggling like a certain redheaded Sekirei watching material that is not to be mentioned in front of children. The silver-haired man was swearing his head off, trying to get Kuu off him and trying to get Yomi to stop trying to get him to flash her. _He could be very useful in the future stages of The Plan. _

"Hey you three," I said, standing up and exhaling the smoke. "Come on, let's get back to MBI."

"No, I wanna stay with oniichan!" Kuu pouted, grabbing onto Hidan's neck.

"Yeah, you can't punish, Hidan-sama!" Yomi said, pressing Hidan's head into her cleavage. I'm not the person to tell you, but I have a slight feeling that he was enjoying it.

I sighed and took another drag on the cigarette. "I'm not punishing him," I said. "I'm just going to explain the Sekirei Plan to him."

"Isn't that the Game Master's job?" Yomi asked, still not releasing Hidan's head.

"Yep," I said, turning around and walking back towards the MBI hospital. "Which is precisely why _I'm _the one who's going to tell him."

"Oi, scientist bitch!" Hidan yelled, pushing Yomi off him and standing up. "What the fuck are you talking about? You think I'm here to play some kind of fucking game? Gimme one good reason why I don't sacrifice your heathen ass to Jashin-sama right here, right now!"

I turned around and looked at him, holding Yomi's scythe like he had wielded it all his life. There was no doubt in my mind that he would follow through on that promise. But I had an ace up my sleeve to ensure that he didn't.

"I'll buy you a drink," I said.

He grinned as his stomach suddenly rumbled. "Throw in some food and you've got yourself a deal, bitch," he said. "I ain't eaten in months!"

"Deal," I said. "And by the way, Hidan…the name's Takami Sahashi."

"Whatever, scientist bitch," he snickered as he followed me out and towards the MBI car I had taken to get here.

"Um, oniichan?" Kuu tugged on Hidan's sleeve as we walked.

"What is it?"

"What's a bitch?"

I groaned and rubbed my head as my headache came back again. I really was gonna need that drink.

**WELL THERE YOU HAVE IT! HIDAN IS NOW IN THE LEAD IN THE AKATSUKI SEKIREI ROUNDUP! I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER, I'VE WRITTEN MOST OF IT WHILE SLIPPING IN AND OUT OF FEVER DREAMS IN THE HOSPITAL, SO I HOPE IT'S FUNNY AND STILL INTERSTING. **

**TO CLEAR SOME THINGS UP, HIDAN HAS BEEN DOWN IN THAT HOLE FOR LONGER THAN A FEW MONTHS, (NEXT CHAPTER I TELL YOU EXACTLY HOW LONG), BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT SO HE KEEPS SAYING "MONTHS." **

**WITH MIKOGAMI DEAD, THE SOUTH PART OF TEITO WILL NOW BELONG TO THE AKATSUKI AND THEIR FLOCKS, BTW. **

**ON ANOTHER NOTE, THE POLL HAS CLOSED FOR HIDAN'S SEKIREI: HE WILL BE WINGING KARASUBA AS HIS THIRD SEKIREI AND THAT WON'T BE FOR A WHILE. A LARGE NUMBER OF YOU VOTED FOR HER, SO I THOUGHT, 'EH, I'LL GIVE EM WHAT THEY WANT.' I HAVE ALSO SELECTED DEIDARA'S FIRST SEKIREI AS KAZEHANA, WHO WILL BE APPEARING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER IN A (SPOILER ALERT) SHOW OF TRUE ART! **

**ALMOST DONE WITH THESE FUCKING NOTES: KAKUZU ****_WILL_**** BE ADDED TO THE STORY! YAAAAAY! (SHUT UP PAM…I WILL END YOU). I HAVE ALSO CHOSEN FOR HIM TO WING AKITSU…I JUST THINK THE WHOLE "I FORGOT MY PANTIES" THING WILL DRIVE HIM NUTS AND GIVE SOME LAUGHS. **

**REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY IMPORTANT:**

**ALSO, THERE IS ANOTHER POLL OPENING…WHAT SHOULD THE AKATSUKI LOOK LIKE NOW? THEY CAN'T WEAR THEIR AKATSUKI CLOAKS SINCE THEY'VE ALL BEEN DESTROYED SO I'M AT A LOSS HERE. YOU GUYS GET TO CHOOSE THEIR OUTFITS! RESTRICTIONS ARE THAT TOBITO IS GETTING HIS LOLIPOP MASK BACK, HIDAN IS GETTING HIS TRI-SCYTHE BACK, FULLY REPARED, AND KAKUZU HAS TO HAVE SOMETHING COVERING HIS MOUTH-STITCHES. OTHER THAN THAT, GO NUTS!**

**THE WINGING POLL REMAINS OPEN TO **

**TOBITO: TWO SEKIREI**

**DEIDARA: TWO SEKIREI**

**KAKUZU: TWO SEKIREI (AND MONEY…****_LOOOOOTS_**** 0F MONEY)**

**HIDAN: ZERO SEKIREI**

**STAY FROSTY BOYS/GIRLS**

**MickDunD-out!**


	4. An Artist's Wings, Un

Chapter 4: An Artist's Wings, Un

**SUP BITCHES? SORRY THIS IS LATE, I'VE GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO LATELY. A FUCKING RESEARCH PAPER ON THE ROLE OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY DURING THE FUCKING COLD WAR…SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD. BUT HERE I AM…WITH A NEW CHAPTER OF POWER OF THE GODS! **

**ON ANOTHER NOTE, HIDAN WILL ****_NOT_**** BE WINGING KARASUBA. SHE'S ALREADY WINGED AT THIS POINT…BUT DON'T WORRY (RUBS HANDS TOGETHER MALICIOUSLY) I HAVE PLANS FOR THE TWO OF THEM XD!**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DEIDARA'S PERVERSENESS. I ALWAYS PICTURED HIM AS A SLIGHT CLOSET PERV. AND WHO WOULDN'T GET A NOSEBLEED WHEN STARING AT THE WOMAN IN THIS CHAPTER?**

**Enjoy!**

Deidara POV

(A Few Days After Hidan Got Out Of The Hole)

I had split up from Tobi earlier today to explore the city more. So far, neither of us knew much about this place other than its name. I had made sure to have Tobi swear that he wouldn't do anything that he would normally do. He had agreed in his usual fashion (Yes, sir, Deidara-Sempai!) and we had taken off over the rooftops in opposite directions. I had gone south while Tobi had gone to the north part to try and find a temporary hideout for us while we were stuck here.

We had ditched the hospital gowns shortly after we got away for some clothes that we had stolen. My outfit wasn't as comfortable as what I normally wore (the Akatsuki cloak was actually surprisingly soft) but it would do. I still had my shinobi sandals, but I was wearing a thick grey hoodie that was long enough to hide my clay pouches and black pants made of a thick material called "Levi's." Tobi had tried to get me to cut my hair while we were changing. I smirked at the memory when I blew him out of the store through the roof for trying to take scissors to _my _hair. I hope he'll have those burns that I gave him for the rest of his life.

I scanned the skyline in front of me. So far, Shinto Teito looked a lot like Amegakure in a lot of ways. There were huge skyscrapers, very nice architecture, but much less rain, thank Kami-sama. It looked like it was a civilian city, since I hadn't seen any shinobi besides Tobi and that girl from the hospital since getting here. Basically, it was very boring.

I looked across an intersection towards a construction site. The building was partially complete, the red paint of the steel beam skeleton glinting in the late afternoon light. It was also much taller than most of the other buildings around here.

_That'll be a good surveillance spot,_ I thought as I jumped down from the rooftops and made my way into the construction site. The site was completely empty; the workers had probably gone home a few hours ago. I snorted at the chained-up gate and jumped over it with a single motion. Like a puny little lock would stop me, an S-class shinobi artist. I channeled chakra to my feet and ran up the side of the building, weaving onto different beams until I hopped onto the top. It took nothing out of me to climb the twenty story building, no exercise whatsoever. I was really starting to miss home, challenges, fights, and even the other Akatsuki members…even Itachi!

"This is place is boring, yeah," I mumbled, grabbing a little clay from my pouch and molding it in my fingers.

"I can be boring, can't it?" asked another voice from above me.

I charged chakra into my clay, my mouth already molding it into an explosive as my head snapped upwards. Sitting a few beams above me was probably _the _hottest woman I had ever seen in my life. She was taller than most of the girls I had seen, but maybe that was because she was wearing high-heels. Her long black hair was done up, some of it handing down her back. She was wearing a short, revealing dress that showed off what I am sure was the biggest rack I had ever seen. I wished I still had my scope to get a better look at them. That thing was better than a telescope when it came to peaking. Next to her was a large bottle of sake, which looked like it was almost empty.

"The city seems so calm from up here," she said, staring out at the skyline. "That's why I like this spot so much…it's very romantic."

"What are you trying to say, yeah?" I asked, forming a few clay C1 spiders and sending them up towards her.

"You don't like to watch the sunset?" she asked, still not looking at me.

I just scoffed as my spiders got into position on the beam she was sitting on. "Romance isn't that important to me right now," I said. "I just want a way out of here, hmm,"

"Don't we all," she chuckled, taking a long swig from the bottle. "You should find your Ashikabi before the game gets moving."

"Ashikabi?" I asked, looking up at her. "What the heck is that, yeah?"

Her eyebrows rose. "So you're not a Sekirei?" she asked, surprised.

"I'm a shinobi, un," I said. "What the hell is a Sekirei?"

She clapped her hand over her mouth with a little "oops!" before taking another drink. "Well, that's embarrassing," she giggled a little drunkenly.

My eye twitched. This was almost as annoying as dealing with Tobi.

"This is pointless," I said, turning around to conceal the hand sign to retrieve my spiders. "I'm wasting my time talking to you. Tsk, worthless drunk."

The wind picked up suddenly, an almost hurricane gust blowing me off the building.

"WHOA, YEAH!" I yelped, forcing chakra to my feet to keep me from falling.

"There are only two people who can talk to me like that," she said, all relaxation gone from her tone. "And that's Number One and the Game Master."

"Who are those people?" I asked, my eye twitching again as she clapped her hand over her mouth again with another "oops!"

"I guess I've had a little too much to drink," she giggled sheepishly.

I felt like banging my head against the steel beams below me with that answer. Honestly, this woman was almost as infuriating as Tobi. It looked like if I wanted answers, I'd have to beat them out of her.

_She has to be a Futon user,_ I thought as my spiders crawled closer to her. _Damn, that puts me at a disadvantage. Unless I can take her out with this._

"I'll give you one chance to answer my questions," I said. "Or else you'll have to face my art."

"Oh, you're an artist?" she asked, suddenly getting giddy and grabbing her face like a fangirl seeing her crush. "Kyaa, how romantic! What's your style? Classic? Abstract? Pop?"

"None of the above, hmm!" I smirked, as I made the hand seal. "My art is…_superflat!"_

The spiders on the beam she was sitting on jumped up to eyelevel with her.

"KATSU!"

There was a small blast that tore through the structure, ripping off beams with waves of flame and power. It was small, but beautiful piece. After all, I hadn't made any significant works in days now.

_Did I get her?_ I thought, watching the smoke cloud.

There was a flash of purple and the woman appeared on a beam nearby. Her clothes were a little singed and had a few tears which showed off even more skin than it they already did…not that I was complaining, mind you.

_Damn!_ I cursed. I'd been hoping that little blast would at least knock her out, then it would be easier to capture her and interrogate her. It looked like I'd have to do things the hard way now. At least I had enough clay for a long fight.

"Want to answer my questions, now, yeah?" I smirked, holding up my hand, which mirrored my smirk.

She was panting slightly, her eyes narrowing when she saw my palm. I inwardly sighed. I got this a lot when people saw my hands. On the plus side, it they were great for making my art…on the downside, it meant girls called me a freak and screamed. But I had learned to take the good with the bad.

"You say you're not a Sekirei," the woman said. "But you don't look like a,"

"If you say that I look like a woman, I'll blow your ass six ways to Sunday, hmm!" I said.

She snorted and then continued to giggle into her hand, blushing hard.

"I wasn't going to say that," she said, flipping some of her hair out of her face. "I was going to say you don't look like a normal human."

I sweatdropped. _At least she didn't call me a woman, yeah._

"So what are you?" she asked.

"I said I'm a shinobi, yeah!" I said. "You should know what that is, you have to be one too!"

She blinked and pointed at herself. "Me?" she asked with a cute pout.

"Yes, you!" I said; ready to slam my head into the ground out of frustration. "You used a Futon jutsu just now, so you have to be a shinobi!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, rubbing her head.

"AAARRRGH!" I yelled, turning around and slamming my head against the nearest support beam three times. This really was dealing like Tobi!

"Um, are you okay?" she asked as I turned around and slumped against the beam.

"NO, UN!" I shouted, finally losing my cool. "THIS WEEK HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT A COLLOSSAL CLUSTERFUCK! FIRST I DETONATE MYSELF AND _DON'T _KILL ITACHI'S LITTLE BROTHER, THEN I GET STUCK HERE WITH _TOBI_ OF ALL PEOPLE, AND NOW I'M STUCK TRYING TO GET INFORMATION OUT OF A DRUNKEN KUNOCHI WHO CAN'T TELL HER ASS FROM HER ELBOW, YEAH!"

I felt the wind pick up again and jumped to avoid a blast of air pressure right where I had been sitting. The force was so strong that it dented the solid steel like Kakuzu had punched it. I dug my hands into my pouch and formed a few small clay birds, shooting them at her in return.

"KATSU!"

The speed of the birds caught her off guard, but she managed to dodge most of the explosion. The back of her dress was gone now, though. I had to hold back a trickle of blood that threatened to drip from my nose. There was nothing worse than being caught admiring your enemy's body in the middle of a fight.

"You're not half bad," she said. "But you're still not allowed to talk down to me."

I smirked. "You're not too shabby yourself, hmm," I said.

"But you need to really loosen up," she said, stretching out her shoulder and causing her chest to bounce a little.

_Whoa, un,_ I thought. _Those have to be at least G's. _

I shook those perverted thoughts from my head and stared at her face. "Then how about a bet?" I asked, making a clay bird and holding it in my hand. "My art against your Futon? If I win, you answer my questions."

She smiled. "Fine then," she said. "And if I win, you buy me a few rounds?"

"Deal, un," I smirked. Even if I lost, it would only make it easier for me to interrogate her if she was drunk. But I had no intention of losing. I needed to cut loose with my art after so long without a blast.

"Oh, how rude of me," she said suddenly, interrupting the mood. "I never gave you my name."

"GAAH, UN!" I tripped over backwards in an overly anime fashion. "YOU PICK NOW OF ALL TIMES TO INTROUDCE YOURSELF?"

"I guess I just forgot," she grinned sheepishly before putting her pretty face into a seductive smile. "I'm Number Three, Kazehana. And if you manage to beat me, I'll tell you what that means."

"Fine," I smirked. "I'm Deidara of the Akatsuki. If you beat me, I'll consider telling you."

"Alright," she almost purred. "So are you going to use that pop art of yours again?"

My smirk got even larger as I expanded the bird in my hands and jumped on it. "I already told you, my art's not pop," I huffed, a little annoyed. "I only use true art of the fleeting moment! My art is and EXPLOSION!"

Fifteen Minutes And One Completely Destroyed Construction Site Later…

**I TRIED WRITING THIS FIGHT OUT, BUT IT WAS JUST TOO HARD. SO JUST PRETEND IT HAPPENED, OKAY? THANKS A MILLION. **

I panted hard as the wreckage of the building burned around me. Kazehana was on the ground in front of me. She wasn't unconscious, but it was clear that I had won. I allowed myself a smirk. She had been a tough opponent. I had to use my C2 just to pin her down.

"My, my," she coughed as she sat up. "You really are strong."

"You too, un" I huffed. I'd used up a good portion of my chakra in the fight. It wasn't like I was helpless, I just didn't have the strength left to fight any more.

"I guess I owe you some answers," she said, struggling to her feet. "A woman has to be true to her word, doesn't she?"

I nodded and walked to the edge of the wreckage, opening what was left of the construction site gate. "Come on, hmm," I said. "You can tell me somewhere else."

"Deidara-san," she asked, taking a few steps forward. "I have one question."

I turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"What is love to you?" she asked.

I was a bit taken aback by the question. "I don't know what you're asking, un," I said.

She smiled and got that giddy look in her eyes again. "You just seem so manly when we were fighting," she said. "You never backed down and didn't pull any punches…and your art was _beautiful! _Kyaa, it just set my heart fluttering!"

"Kazehana-san, are you still drunk?" I asked. No one but me had ever called my art beautiful before.

She shook her head and walked closer. "Maybe," she purred. "But that's not important right now."

Now that she was close up to me, I noticed that she was slightly flushed and she was panting a little harder than before, and this wasn't from exhaustion. She looked almost feverish.

"Kazehana-san, are you okay?" I asked. I didn't want my best source of intel dying on me before I got to ask my questions.

I felt her hands slip around my head and waist. "I've never felt better," she purred. "I've finally found my Ashikabi. And it's an added bonus that he's cute."

She kissed me. _Kissed_ me! I'd never kissed anyone before, except for my hands a few times on accident when I was drunk and facepalmed and missed my forehead. It felt…good. Much better than my hands, that's for sure. But what really make my eyes widen was the glowing set of wings and weird bird mark that burst from her back.

_This is just like what happened to Tobi, yeah!_ I yelled in my thoughts as she drew away.

"W-w-what the hell, un?!" I yelled as I finally managed to unstick my tongue from hers.

"Sekirei Number Three, Kazehana is yours now and forever, my Ashikabi-kun," she grinned, her skin and breathing returning to normal.

"This isn't an explanation, yeah!" I protested, even if I had liked the kiss.

There was that strange wailing sound in the distance, and it sounded like it was coming closer. Kazehana pouted and grabbed my wrist. "How rude of them to just ruin the moment like that," she said. "Hold on tight, Deidara-kun!"

Before I could even think of something to say, a blast of wind erupted from under us (and no, I did not fart, un) and hurled us to the top of a nearby building.

"How did you do that," I said, tugging myself out of her grip and spinning to face her. "You didn't use hand signs for that jutsu!"

She just smiled seductively before her stomach rumbled. We both sweatdropped and she giggled. "How about we talk about this over some dinner?" she asked, pulling a black credit card from between her breasts. "It's on me, Ashikabi-kun."

_That was…in her…boobs!_  
>That was the clincher for me. I couldn't hold it back anymore. A torrent of blood gushed from my nose and I think I passed out when my head hit the concrete, with probably the biggest smile on my face since the time I first discovered my art.<p>

**WELL HERE IT IS. I'M SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER WAS A LITTLE BORING AT FIRST, BUT KAZEHANA IS SO HARD TO WRITE! I'VE ALREADY STARTED THE NEXT CHAPTER AS WELL AS DONE SOME PRELIMINARY WORK IN CHAPTER SEVEN OF ORGANIZED CHAOS. I'VE ALSO GOT TO PUT MY RAP GROUP TOGETHER AND WRITE MY RAPS, SO I'VE GOT A LOT OF SHIT ON MY PLATE RIGHT NOW. I'LL PROBABY GET THE NEXT CHAPTER TO YOU IN TWO WEEKS OR SO. **

**STAY FROSTY**

**MickDunD-Out.**


	5. You Talk To Much, You Aren't A Good Boy

Chapter 5: You Talk Too Much, You Aren't a Good Boy

**HELLO, MY LOVELIES! (DAMN, I SOUND LIKE SANADA) HERE IS THE NEWEST CHAPTER OF POWER OF THE GODS! I'M MAKING THE AUTHOR'S NOTES SHORTER THAN USUAL BECAUSE…I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO RANT ABOUT RIGHT NOW. **

**YET ANOTHER AUTHOR NOTE: BENITSUBASA IS A LITTLE TALLER HERE THAN IN CANNON, CAUSE ITS KINDA WEIRD IF SHE HAD TO STAND ON TIP TOES TO KISS TOBITO. **

**LAST ONE: KAKUZU IS APPEARING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!**

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN'S HIDAN'S FILTHY FUCKING MOUTH (A COOKIE FOR THOSE WHO CAN TELL ME WHERE THAT'S FROM)**

**Enjoy!**

Hidan POV

So far, life out of the hole was a blast! That scientist bitch had really held her word and then some. Not only had she bought me dinner, but she had offered to get me a house under the place where she worked…on the condition that I bring my new wife and little sister with me and work as her "bodyguard," which was another way of saying I got to sacrifice people who annoyed her. Thank Jashin-sama there were at least a thousand of them. At first it sounded pretty fucking good to me. But then I realized that this had to be Jashin-sama

"ONIICHAN, YOU SAID YOU'D PLAY WITH ME!"

"HIDAN-SAMA, YOU PROMISED THAT WE WOULD GO OUT TODAY!"

Aaaaand there was the reason why. Kuu was almost as clingy as Yomi-chan was, and not in a good-sexy-way. She was always begging for me to play with her. I'm twenty-fucking-two, I don't play with brats. If Kakuzu found out about it, he'd probably die laughing.

The bathroom door shook and then was knocked out of the way by a rapidly growing vine. Oh yeah, apparently my new little sister could use that kekkei genkai that made Kakuzu wet himself every time he talked about it. Moku-something…mokuton, right, that was it. I couldn't wait to introduce her to the old miser. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all if she could get him to have a heart attack or two.

"Jashin-dammit, Kuu!" I yelped, covering myself. "I'm in the fucking bath here! Knock first!"

She huffed as Yomi came in, scythe in her hand and a perverted look on her face when she saw what I was wearing.

"And Yomi, don't even think about it," I snapped. "I already did it with you this morning!"

Yomi apparently had a perverted streak bigger than the shemale. Yeah, I knew about the stacks of Icha Icha he kept in his room at the main base. I bet he did things with his mouths too, but he would always blow me up or pay Kakuzu to kill me before I could ask him about it. But unlike Deidara-chan's, I kind of liked Yomi's perverseness…it was fun as all hell at night or whenever nobody was around. After the first night, I'd immediately decided that I liked Sekirei better than any girl I'd fucked back in Yugakure.

"Fuck off, Yomi-neechan!" Kuu snapped using her new favorite word. "I get to play with oniichan now!"

Yomi's face turned murderous and for a second I thought she'd lose it, which would be fine with me since she was damn sexy when she was mad. But sadly before any carnage could begin, my phone rang.

"Yeah?" I asked. "What the fuck is it, Takami-bitch?"

"Get your ass up here, Hidan-baka," she said. "I've got a meeting with the president. And I may need you to kick his ass for something."

I grinned. "I'll be right up," I said, hanging up. "Later, girls. Takami-bitch needs me to kick somebody's ass. I'll be back whenever."

I don't think they heard me; they were probably too busy glaring lightning at each other. I just walked out and got dressed. The clothes Takami-bitch had gotten me were fucking decent, but I missed my Akatsuki cloak. I didn't have to take my fucking shirt off every time I wanted to do a ritual since I didn't have to wear a shirt under it. But Takami-bitch had made it _very_ clear that I had to wear a shirt or she'd stab my ass with a needle again. I fucking _hate _needles!

I pulled at the edge of the white sleeveless undershirt. It was so fucking uncomfortable wearing a shirt after nearly ten years of going without one. At least the pants were cool. They had a lot of pockets for my ritual pikes and the camouflage pattern wasn't that bad. All that was missing was my scythe. I'd been using Yomi-chan's to do my rituals, but it didn't have the same feeling. I just shrugged and put on my rosary. At least Jashin-sama still viewed me as a faithful follower, or else I would have died when I was stuck in that hole.

"Oh well," I said, taking out my pike and flicking it open, licking the end of it as I walked towards the elevator. "Time to sacrifice some heathens!"

OVER OBITO

"SEMAPI!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "SEMPAI, WHERE ARE YOU?"

I was perfectly fine with this since I had a mask on. It was my old orange swirly one, I'd made sure to store a spare with the Kamui. Madara had taught me to be careful, even if most people couldn't touch me. Even with both eyes, my right eye was still significantly stronger so using a mask with one hole didn't bother me to much anymore. And frankly, I was enjoying acting like this.

Deidara and I had split up to cover more ground and find out stuff about the city. So far it was a bust except that no one here seemed to have chakra reserves larger than a genin and most of them hadn't even unlocked their chakra. My sharingan didn't lie when it came to matters like this. With no threats, I had just been having the time of my life annoying the hell out of the locals. It was actually quite relaxing to annoy people without them trying (and failing) to arrest me, blow me up, tear out my heart, poison me, or sacrifice me to Jashin.

"DEIDARA-SEMPAI!" I yelled again, causing some pedestrians to jump and stare at me. "Oh?"

I looked up, sensing a significantly larger chakra signature on the rooftops above me. My Sharingan automatically enhanced the view and revealed a young woman with long blonde hair, a black coat, and a short skirt underneath that did nothing to hide her white lacy panties. She wasn't wearing a forehead protector, but judging from her chakra reserves she was a low-to-mid jonin. I grinned. Oh how this would be fun. I activated the Kamui and teleported right behind her.

"Excuse me, Kunoichi-san!" I chirped in my Tobi voice. "But Tobi has to tell you something!"

She jumped and spun around, lashing out with a whip made of water. I yelped and ran away in an overly comedic fashion like I did with Deidara, dodging the strikes she sent towards me.

"WAAAH! SCARY!" I yelled, hiding behind a post. "TOBI JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR PANTIES ARE SHOWING!"

"You dodged my attack," she said with a strange accent. "Thou hast skill to avoid me like that."

"Hahah, you talk funny!" I laughed. "This is almost as funny as sempai and his 'uns!' Oh, could you say 'un' next time you talk? Tobi wants to hear."

A tick mark appeared on her forehead and more water swirled around her.

_Interesting,_ I thought. _Her ability with suiton is almost like Tobirama Senju…I wonder if she's somehow related to Tsunade-sama?_

"Ooh, cool trick, Senju-san!" I said as I made hand seals. "But Tobi has better ones! Tobi will beat you and bring you to sempai for interrogation because Tobi is a good boy!"

"Enough of thy childish gibberish!" she snapped. "I, Number Nine, Tsukiumi—the Water Sekirei, shall defeat thee!"

"Okay!" I grinned behind my mask and doing a stupid dance and pose. "Tobi of the great Akatsuki and partner to the amazing Deidara-sempai will defeat you!"

The tick mark on her forehead got bigger. "Dost thou takest me for an idiot!?" she yelled. "Cease thy childish mockery and give thy name and number!"

"Eeeh? Tobi's name is Tobi," I said, scratching my head. "So Tobi already gave you Tobi's name, which makes Tobi a good boy even though sempai says that good boys like Tobi don't talk and stay cool….ahhh, Tobi's head hurts!"

"Stop saying Tobi!" she snapped. "Forget thy number, let us do battle!"

"Ooookay!" I said, finishing the hand seals I was making while readying my Kamui to capture her. "Here I come, Tsukiumi-san! Katon: Endan!"

To my surprise, another wall of flames burst in front of my jutsu, canceling it out. I looked up to see a silver haired man dressed in black standing on a shed above us. He was wearing a mask so I couldn't see the rest of his face, but he was obviously an enemy.

"Homura!" yelled Tsukiumi. "What art thou doing, disturbing my fight in such a rude manner?"

"Yeah, you're ruining Tobi's fun!" I piped up.

The silver-haired man, who I assumed was Homura scowled at me and jumped down. "How did you do that?" he asked me. "How did you use fire like that? I'm the only Sekirei who can do that."

"But it's Tobi's jutsu!" I whined. "Does Tobi have to stop using it? And what's a Sekirei? Tobi doesn't know."

"Thou must jest!" Tsukiumi shouted, pointing at me. "Thou were able to approach me without my knowing and thou dodged my attacks with ease…me, the strongest Sekirei!'

"Tsukiumi-san, you talk too much," I said. "You're like sempai when he talks about his art."

Cut to Deidara

"Achoo, un!" I sneezed, causing me to wake up and knock over one of the empty sake bottles. "Oh my heeaaaaad!"

"Fu fu fu," Kazehana chuckled next to me as she woke up and kissed my cheek, holding the blankets to cover both our naked bodies. "Morning, Deidara-kun."

"Oh, yeah, morning hmm," I said, remembering what she and I had done last night and how much she'd insisted I use my hands doing it. "Hey, Hana-chan, yeah?"

"Yes?"

"Could you get me some asprain? I've got such a headache and I think my idiot partner's talking about me, un."

Back to Tobito

"Art?" Homura asked.

"Yeah, sempai's art is an explosion!" I said.

"Explosion…" he murmured before looking at me with pure hatred in his eyes. "You're one of them…the two who escaped from MBI a few days ago…the ones who blew up that building and the park!"

I didn't answer. I just stared at him and mulled it over. It was obvious that Homura knew more about this city than Tsukiumi and it seemed that I would be able to get information out of him easier with that temper of his.

"Heh," I chuckled under my breath in my normal voice. "So you aren't as stupid as this one."

"Homura, what is going on?" Tsukiumi asked as she jumped back to his side. "Who is this monkey?"

"A few days ago," he said, fire lighting on his hands. "Two terrorists detonated a bomb inside MBI hospital, killing ten people who were in critical condition from an earlier bomb in the Teito Park. Yesterday there was another series of explosions downtown. You're one of them."

"Oh, no! You figured it out!" I wailed, deciding to play along with him. "Oh well, Tobi knew it wasn't going to last very long."

"What do you want in Teito?" Homura asked, his flames burning brighter.

I giggled ominously, watching Tsukiumi shiver slightly. "So you think you're going to intimidate Tobi with a little Katon chakra? Tobi thinks that's weak. Keep this in mind, Homura-san…Sempai says when you want to intimidate someone, you demonstrate your power. Like this."

I held the tiger hand seal and pumped chakra into my lungs and stomach. "Katon: Bakufū Ranbu!"

The Fire Release: Bomb Blast Dance spiraled out across the rooftops, scorching the tile and stone and turning nearby trees into ash. My Sharingan allowed me see their expressions moments before the jutsu hit them. It was absolutely hilarious to see their faces as I fired off the attack. Tsukiumi looked like she was going to shit herself. I swear I almost choked on my own jutsu laughing so hard. I ended the jutsu and allowed the flames to dissipate.

"Oh?" I said, looking at the dome of steaming water that was raised around the two of them. "I guess it's time for Tobi to stop playing around then. Sempai wouldn't like it if Tobi was late, and Tobi is a good boy."

"Taste my ultimate attack!" Tsukiumi shouted, throwing her hand forward. "Water Dragon!"

"EEEK! Scary!" I said, said, covering my mask. "Oh well, here's Tobi's best attack; Mangekyō Sharingan: Kamui!"

The water attack slid right through my body before I swirled away, teleporting right behind them.

"YAAAY! Tobi wins!" I said, dancing around before laying my hands on their shoulders.

"Wha…what was that?" Homura asked. "Tsukiumi, you hit him, right?"

"Of course!" she defended. "To think that I, the strongest Sekirei, would miss such an easy target is inconceivable!"

"You both talk too much!" I whined as I readied another Kamui to suck them both into my personal dimension. "You aren't good boys like Tobi, so Tobi will take you to sempai so sempai can find out what you know! Sempai will be so happy with Tobi!"

"EXTREME QUAKE!"

I quickly turned intangible, allowing the two of them to escape as a blur of pink and black that crashed into the ground where I was standing. The tiles shattered and I realized that I was going to fall, quickly teleporting myself away before I fell three stories to my back. I reappeared on the shed where Homura had been standing, taking in my surroundings. Homura and Tsukiumi had vanished, probably fleeing before things got heated. But the person who had interrupted my jutsu was strangely familiar. That pink hair and black kimono…

"Oh, it's you!" I laughed. "You're that girl from the hospital!"

"You bastard!" she snapped, jumping up at me and throwing a sloppy haymaker. "I'll kill you!"

"Eh, but why?" I asked, letting her attack pass through me. "Tobi didn't do anything!"

"You winged me!" she shouted. "Against my will! Now you're my Ashikabi and I've been kicked out of the Discipline Squad!"

_Wings_? I thought, remembering that light that had appeared when Deidara had thrown me into her path.

"How is this my fault?" I asked, scratching my head. "It's not Tobi's fault that you're clumsy, Kunoichi-chan!"

"RAAAAH!" she yelled throwing another punch at my head, which did nothing. "STAY STILL!"

"If you insist!" I chirped and kept the Kamui active.

She punched and kicked for half an hour straight, her blows going straight through me. Finally, she collapsed on her hands and knees.

"Are you finished?" I asked.

I didn't get an answer, so I put my hand on her head and sucked the both of us into my pocket dimension.

"Welcome," I said in my normal voice.

"Where…am…I?" she huffed, out of breath.

"My dimension," I said. "It is created by an ability of mine. Here there is no day, night, sun, moon, or passing of time."

"Are…you…kami-sama?" she panted, getting to her feet.

I snorted, shook my head, and crossed my arms. "Are you a Shinobi?" I asked.

"…Sekirei…," she panted. "Number 105…Benitsubasa…"

My eyebrows rose. "What village are you aligned with?" I asked.

"What…are you…talking about?" she asked.

"Are you leaf, rock, mist, cloud, or sand?" I asked.

"I don't know…what you mean," she panted. "Please…just…let me…go."

"So you can try and attack me again?" I chuckled. "I don't think so."

She tried taking a step forwards but stumbled. I sighed and shunshined over to her, grabbing her head and forcing her to look in my eye.

"I'll just find out what you know myself," I said, casting a memory-transfer genjutsu that Madara had taught me, the same one that I had used on Konan.

What I saw made me freeze. Benitsubasa's memories came at me in the form of flashes. I saw the …labs, experiments, adjustments, and…the blood. I saw images of a white haired man in a cape with glasses, a man who was obviously a homosexual (even if she didn't want to admit it), a woman with white hair and a lab coat, a forgetful girl with long clawed gauntlets, and an ashen haired woman who bathed in blood. Their names flowed into my head as well; Minaka Hiroto, Natsuo Ichinomi, Takami Sahashi, Haihane, and Karasuba. This girl…was not from earth.

More memories assaulted my head. Something about a game called the…Sekirei Plan. No…no this was not a game. This was a bloodbath, a breeding ground of pain and suffering. Ashikabi and Sekirei torn apart for the amusement of a madman. Knowing this made me feel like I was watching Rin die again. I ended the genjutsu and stumbled back a bit, clutching the right side of my mask as I tried to process everything that I had learned. Benitsubasa just stared at me with a glazed look in her eye as she slowly broke through the genjutsu. I glared at her, feeling my hatred boil once again. She would have been a part of this…been a part of feeding the cycle of pain. I should hate her for that…but now she couldn't be part of that…Discipline Squad. I was her Ashikabi now, even if it was not my intention to do so. And from what I saw, a Sekirei had to obey her Ashikabi.

_I'll kill that man,_ I thought to myself, picturing the face of Hiroto Minaka. _I'll stop this bloodbath from happening. _

"So," I said as she slowly got up. "You tried to kill me…but yet you are _my_ Sekirei now…not Natsuo's. So who ordered you to kill me?"

She grimaced but said nothing.

"Don't be like this, Number 105," I chuckled. "I think you might come to like me in the future. After all, "Tobi is a good boy.""

"Bullshit!" she said. I inwardly sighed, knowing that this would be her response to my behavior. "That's not your real name!"

My eyes widened in surprise. There was no reason for her to suspect that Tobi was not my real name.

"Tell me your real name!" she shouted. "Tell me why you're so strong!"

"Why would you want to know that?" I asked. "Now that you're my Sekirei, you don't have to worry about competing with Haihane and Karasuba over Natsuo anymore."

Her grimace got even worse. "FUCK!" she yelled, pounding her fist into one of the blocks so hard that it cracked. "FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-**FUCK! **HOW IS A WORTHLESS, INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN STRONGER THAN ME? HOW, HOW, HOW? I WAS CHOSEN FOR THE DISCIPLINE SQUAD, SPECIALLY ADJUSTED, AND TRAINED BY NUMBER-FUCKING-FOUR! HOW ARE YOU STRONGER THAN ME?"

I paused and mulled over the situation. She could be a valuable ally in the future in my plan. I could see potential in her…all she needed was a uniform taijutsu style and a few pointers. I smiled behind the mask…I'd never had a student before. It reminded me of the days when Kakashi and I were kids with Minato-sensei and Rin.

"My name," I said, lifting my mask away from my face, revealing my Sharingan and smile, "is Obito Uchiha."

Benitsubasa blushed a little bit when she saw my face, but quickly adopted her scowl again. "And how are you so strong?"

"Because I was trained to be this strong," I said. "I could teach you if you like?"

"YES!" she said, shooting to her feet and clenching her fists. "Teach me to be strong."

"Okay, okay," I said. "By the way, sorry for how I was acting before, Beni-chan. I've had a rough few days."

She turned red again and huffed. "Whatever, just teach me already," she said.

"Okay," I said, touching her and warping us back to the city before looking her right in the eye. "But first you'll need to know a little about me if we're going to work together."

"What are you…"

"Gentai Tsukuyomi!" (Limited Tsukuyomi: what Madara used to teach Obito about the Sage of the Six Paths)

Takami POV:

"ASSHOLE!" I yelled, kicking the doors to Minaka's office wide open. "OF ALL THE STUPID THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE TIME I'VE KNOWN YOU, THIS TAKES THE CAKE!"

"Ah, Takami-kun, it's good to see you," he said before covering his face from the punch I usually gave him after I shouted at him. "Aren't you going to hit me?"

"Nope," I grinned, jerking my thumb at the door. "He is."

The twin mahogany doors were knocked off their hinges as one of Minaka's body guards crashed into them. Outside, I could see bodies laid up everywhere, blood pooling on the marble floor. I inwardly sighed. I'd told Hidan _not_ to kill them! Now I'd have to find him new bodyguards and come up with a cover story about why all six bodyguards died on the same day. But maybe it was worth it seeing how Minaka was hiding behind his chair like a kid in a thunderstorm.

"hehehehehHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Hidan's scary laugh rose from the depths of the hallway. "BLEED, YOU IGNORANT HEATHENS!"

I watched as Minaka pressed the button under his desk to summon the Discipline Squad. I hid my smirk, knowing that it would only be Haihane. He had sent Karasuba out on a mission this morning.

_This will be a good test of Hidan-baka's skills,_ I thought as Haihane crashed through the ceiling. _Haihane's no pushover. _

"DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!" the zealot yelled as he charged into the room, his pike opened up and slashing at Minaka's head.

Haihane moved at her top speed to intercept him, her claws grating against the black metal pike. Hidan smirked and twisted himself mid-air, kicking her in the face and knocking her across the room before following.

"Um, Takami-kun?" Minaka asked. "Who is that?"

"My new bodyguard," I said with a proud smile. "And you really are a baka, you know? Firing Benitsubasa just like that! You do know she has classified information about the Sekirei and MBI, right? What if she falls into Higa's hands? What do you think he'd do with that knowledge?"

"I don't care!" he announced, ducking as a priceless painting he'd had on the wall flew at his head. "It'll make the game more interesting, Takami-kun."

"Oi, Takami-bitch," Hidan shouted. "Can I sacrifice this one?"

I looked over and saw a long scratch on Haihane's face, the blood dripping off of Hidan's pike. I grimaced when I saw the excited look on his face, knowing how his strange ritual worked. And with the bloody holes in his shirt, it looked like he'd already used it on the guards.

"No, Hidan," I said. "You've killed enough today. Just do what I called you here to do, alright? I'll buy you lunch to make it up to you?"

He pouted a little, wiping the blood off of his pike and putting it away. Haihane, seeing an opening, charged forwards with her claws ready to take Hidan's head off. Hidan just turned around with a bloodthirsty grin that had an eerie resemblance to Karasuba and kicked her across the room, through the wall.

"And stay there, Cat-Bitch," he laughed before turning to Minaka. "And now for you, motherfucker….hehehe!"

He vanished from sight and reappeared right above Minaka's head, bringing his heel down on his head in an ax kick and smashing his head onto the desk. "Keh, it's fucking pathetic how weak people have gotten. Try lifting something once in a while…might give you some strength back, ya know?"

Hidan was right. From what I had been able to piece together with radiocarbon dating, he was from a time period around two thousand years ago, where humans could perform Sekirei-like feats of strength and battle. Hidan had bragged for an hour straight about how he was an "S-Class Shinobi," which to me meant he was easily on par with single digit Sekirei. His immortality was one of the reasons he was ranked as such. He had taken mankind's downfall a little harshly, massacring two lab techs and then sitting in the corner praying to his god, Jashin. But he did manage to tell me about a man called Kakuzu before he started stabbing himself, who he said was even stronger than him. He mentioned something called "Akatsuki" as well, but wouldn't tell me what it was.

"Minaka," I said as Hidan and I walked for the door. "Next time, ask me before you make a stupid decision, alright? I'd like to get my own licks in before Hidan does, you know?"

He couldn't hear me due to the kick Hidan had given him. The zealot was already calling Yomi and Kuu-chan to come up for lunch. It made me smile seeing how a man who bathed himself in blood as much as Hidan did could have a loving side to him. He had taken to understanding the plan well enough, but had enjoyed the part about bloody battles. He was training Yomi and Kuu-chan in secret, teaching them some of the things he knew about fighting.

_He cares for them_, I smiled, clutching Minaka's credit card that I had pickpocketed from him. _Oh, well…time for lunch!_

**LOL, THIS CHAPTER IS CURRENTLY MY FAVORITE SO FAR. TOBI IS JUST TOO FUNNY, RIGHT? AS FOR HIS CHANGE OF ATTITUDE, I JUST THOUGHT HE SHOULDN'T ACT LIKE "MADARA-UCHIHA-DOUCHE" AROUND HIS SEKIREI SINCE HE'S A DIFFERENT PERSON. BUT HE CAN STILL ACT LIKE THAT AROUND ENEMIES. JUST LIKE THE GOOD BOY HE IS. **

**THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL INTRODUCE KAKUZU IN THE STORY WITH HIS SEKIREI, AKITSU! UNTIL THEN, STAY FROSTY, BOYS AND GIRLs! **

**MickDunD-Out!**


	6. A Miser's Wings, A Zealot's Scythe

Chapter 6: A Miser's Wings, A Zealot's Scythe

**SUP, BITCHES?! NO AUTHOR NOTE THIS TIME, BUT MAKE SURE TO READ THE ONE AT THE BOTTOM. I HAVE SOME KNEWS FOR YA! **

**ENJOY!**

OVER OBITO

"God dammit!" Benitsubasa cursed as I dodged another punch.

"You'll have to try harder than that, Beni-chan," I teased, sliding behind her and putting my finger over her Sekirei Crest. "There! Tobi wins, because Tobi is a good boy!"

It'd been maybe three days since I had met Benitsubasa and I had to say she wasn't that bad. A little hotheaded and she was easily riled up if you made a joke about her boobs…but as far students go, not that bad. I could have gotten stuck with a useless fangirl (coughsakuracough) and not a decently-trained Sekirei.

After a few hours of training, I had discovered that Sekirei were more like shinobi than the humans of this land. They possessed chunin to jonin chakra levels and each of them specialized in a specific style of combat. The two I had met on the roofs, Homura and Tsukiumi, were elemental types while Beni-chan was a close combat type. Close combat wasn't my specialty, but I did have a few styles memorized thanks to my Sharingan so I could train her decently enough. So far she had learned the basing steps of the Goken style, which seemed to suit her.

She sighed and sat down hard, panting as sweat dripped off her. "You're too good," she said. "Why don't we just find some other Ashikabi and Sekirei and beat the shit out of them? That'll be a good test for me."

I gave her a light smack on the head and shook my head. "For the last time, Beni-chan," I said in all seriousness. "We are not going to separate people. Do you remember what I showed you?"

She nodded, knowing what I was talking about right away. In my Gentai Tsukuyomi, I had shown everything about where I came from; who I was, what I had done, and why I had done it. The story of Konoha, Minato-sensei, Rin, Kakashi, Madara, Akatsuki, the Fourth Great Shinobi War, and Naruto had all been told. I had taught her all about the cycle of pain without withholding any information. For once, I had told the whole truth, which actually did make me a good boy. Huh…who'da thought?

"Yeah, yeah," she groaned. "The cycle of pain and all that crap, I got it. But can we find somebody to fight that I _can_ beat?"

I sighed. It would take much more than a lecture to get this out of her. "Well," I said. "Maybe I could find Deidara and have him test you?"

She shivered. "NO WAY!" she shouted, holding her hands out in a "do not want" position. "I AM **_NOT_** GETTING BLOWN UP BY SOME TRANSVESTITE FOR KICKS!"

I swear I could hear somebody sneeze and then scream "I'm not a woman, un!" in the distance, but dismissed it.

"It's not my fault I'm stronger than you," I teased. "I'm just awesome like that."

She snorted and allowed herself a smirk. "Then how come you wear that stupid mask and run around like an idiot?" she asked.

"Because it's fun," I said, walking out of the park where we were training. "Come on, people will be here soon."

She got up and followed without a word. I inwardly smiled. Even if she still had a crush on that Natsuo guy, she did have some respect for me. Even if it was just so that I would teach her how to fight better, but I would take it.

"Hey, Obito," she asked, walking next to me. "Your teammates…what were they like?"

"Which ones?" I asked.

"The ones in the stupid-looking coats," she said.

I sweatdropped. "The Akatsuki," I corrected.

"Whatever," she snorted.

I sighed and thought about it. "Well, we always worked in teams of two," I said, using my Sharingan to create a small genjutsu image of the members standing in their teams. "First there were the leaders; Nagato and Konan."

"He's got weird eyes," she says.

"Yes, I know," I deadpanned. "But believe it or not, those "weird eyes" are stronger than my Sharingan."

"I doubt that," she said under her breath, rubbing some of the bruises that I'd given her during our little spar.

I smiled and moved to the next duo. "These were the "artists," I said. "You already know Deidara. But this was Sasori."

"What's up with his back?" she asked. "Did he throw it out or something?"

"No, that's a puppet," I said, trying not to giggle at her comment. "The real Sasori is inside it. I never got to see his face up close. It turns out that Sasori himself was a puppet. He put his heart in another wooden body trying to become immortal. It did not work very well in the long run."

I shifted over to Zetsu. "This is Zetsu," I said. "He was our spy. And before you ask, he has two different personalities for each side, so he counts as two members."

She didn't say anything, but did grimace a little at Zetsu's head and creepy smile. I shifted over to Itachi and Kisame.

"These two were some of the most loyal men I knew," I said. "Their names were Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame."

"He looks like a shark," she said, pointing at Kisame.

"Yes, I know," I sighed. "But he had more chakra than the previous teams combined. And Itachi was even better than me at using genjutsu."

"He was the one who killed his family, right?" she asked. "Why'd he do that?"

"Because he loved his home more," I said. "He was a good man, much better than I was."

Finally came the infamous Zombie Combo. "These were probably the best members of Akatsuki," I said. "They weren't the strongest, but they worked the best."

"What's up with this guy?" she asked, pointing at Hidan, who I had in mid-maniacal laugh. "Is he retarded or something?"

"No, just insane," I said. "But he had an edge on all of us, even me. He cannot die."

Beni-chan's eyes bugged out. "What do you mean 'cannot die'?" she asked. "Everyone dies at some point!"

"Not Hidan," I said. "He was…sorry _is_ immortal. You could cut him to pieces and sadly he'd still be able to talk. He had quite the mouth on him."

"So he could still be around?" she asked.

"Probably," I shrugged as I let the illusion dispel and we kept walking. "But Hidan isn't a person you would want running around in this world."

"Why not?" she asked, cracking her knuckles. "If he can't die, then he'd be the perfect sparring partner for me!"

"Yes, but Hidan never let his opponent live," I said. "He had a habit of killing everyone around him without caring."

Once again I thought I heard a sneeze and then a "motherfucker!" I just shrugged and kept talking.

"But if you want a sparring partner," I said, "then we'd better find Deidara fast. Who know what he'd blown up since I've last seen him?"

"Never mind!" she squeaked and grabbed my hand, pulling me away from the south part of the city and into an alleyway. "I'm good with sparring with you! Don't let me get blown up!"

I smiled and channeled chakra to my feet, running up the wall. "Catch me if you can, Beni-chan!" I laughed, sliding the mask back on. "If you can, I'll teach you a super cool technique for good boys like Tobi!"

"Dammit!" she yelled. No matter what I said or taught her, whenever I put the mask on she lost her cool. "Get back here, Tobi!"

"Oh, no! Run, run ruuuuuun!" I yelped as she jumped on top of the building and chased me.

I used every bit of skill I had to avoid her punches, which shattered walls, laughing all the way. "Beni-chan can't catch Tobi, because Tobi is a good boy!" I taunted. "Tobi thought since Beni-chan doesn't have boobs, she would be lighter? Maybe Beni-chan needs to diet more?"

**_"_****_WHAT DID YOU SAY?"_**

Ah, that did it. By the time she had calmed down, maybe a third of the city would need to be renovated. I ran away shrieking like an idiot while inside my head I was laughing up a storm. Ah…it was good to be happy again.

HIDAN POV

"Oniichan, what are we doing?" Kuu asked in that little girl voice that most people found cute.

"No fucking idea," I grunted as we followed Takami up the steps to a big white building.

"I already told you, Hidan-baka," she snapped. "You're going to learn something about the world today so you don't fuck up and blow your cover."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, just make it quick," I said. "I've got a shit ton of sacrifices to do. Being stuck in a hole for two fucking thousand years does that, ya know?"

Yomi was back at the building in the sauna. Apparently Takami-bitch said she was trustworthy enough to be left alone, whatever that meant. So here she was taking me and Kuu to the museum to learn about Japan. If Jashin-sama wasn't mentioned in this heathen building, then _somebody_ was going to die.

We wandered around for hours, looking at stupid stuff like sticks and tiny knives and armor that wouldn't even stop a punch from a three-year old. I admit when we saw the picture of something called the "Atomic Bomb" I was a little impressed. Something like that would be great for catching up with sacrifices.

We passed a wing that looked like it was full of stuff about old Japan and I almost kept walking. But then I saw something out of the corner of my eye that made me feel…pretty good actually.

"HOLY SHIT!" I yelled, grabbing Kuu's hand and pulling her into the wing.

In a glass case the size of my body was a weapon that I thought I would never see again. A red and black triple blade scythe…MY fucking scythe.

Kuu seemed to realize this and her little face broke into a huge grin. "Oniichan, it's your scythe!" she said, pulling on my hand and pointing at it like I couldn't see it. "Takami-neechan, look!"

TAKAMI POV

Maybe taking Hidan to the museum wasn't my best idea. Putting someone like him in a building crammed full of people…that was a bloodbath in the making. But after seeing him go ballistic over a stupid scythe I knew something was going to happen…something that would take more than a few drinks to sort out.

"Hidan, what are you doing?" I hissed as he cocked his arm back to shatter the glass case.

"Taking my fucking scythe back," he said. "Why, is that a problem?"

"Yes, that's a problem!" I said, smacking him on the head. "You can't just start stealing from museums, you'll get arrested!"

"Tch, as if a few pussy heathens could stop me," he grinned, licking his lips and bringing his arm back again. "Plus, that scythe makes up half of my skill…can't just leave a holy artifact in the hands of some heathen."

"Then we need a distraction," I said, feeling Kuu start tugging on my coat. "Not now, Kuu-chan."

The tugging stopped and I resumed my argument with Hidan. "Look, if you want to take it out of here then we need a distraction."

"Like that?" he asked, pointing behind me.

I turned around to see a trash can on fire, Kusano standing next to it with my lighter in her hand, the cutest most innocent smile on her face. She'd picked my pocket!

I sighed as people began to notice and began screaming and running as the fire began to spread to the walls. The alarm rang and I faintly heard the sound of shattering glass. I turned back around to see Hidan picking up the weapon and spinning it around in his grip.

"Ah, that feels better," he grinned and for a moment I thought he might start praying/cutting himself.

"FREEZE!" we all turned around to see a security guard standing at the other end of the hall with a nightstick in his hand. "HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!"

Quick as a bolt of lightning, Hidan was at the other end of the hall, scythe swinging at the man's torso. I quickly covered Kuu's eyes before I shut my own as we heard that wet tearing sound from Hidan and the guard. When I looked back up, Hidan was running his finger over one of the three blades, shaking his head.

"Fuck, this thing is dull," he muttered, flicking the blood off it before spinning it again.

"I'll get you a whetstone," I said, grabbing his arm as I heard sirens in the distance. "Come on, let's go!"

"Oniichan, Takami-neechan!" Kuu shouted. "Look at this funny man!"

We both looked over at her, pointing at another glass case. I grimaced at what was inside. It looked like it was a poorly-made mummy. The body's tan skin was covered in sutures, held together with black thread like a ragdoll. It had shoulder-length dark hair and had black thread that was spilling from the mouth.

"KAKUZU!?" Hidan yelled. "What the fuck? Does this museum have everything?!"

He walked over to the case and smashed it, throwing the body's right shoulder over his arm and walking towards the exit. "Think you can put a heart in his chest?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, not bothering to ask why he was stealing a body. "Why?"

He grinned and threw Kuu-chan onto his shoulders. "Because, he needs at least _one _heart, doesn't he? We can worry about the other four later," he said.

I just shook my head and supported the body's other arm. After getting to know Hidan, I had learned to just go with it. It was a damn good excuse to have a smoke and a drink after the insanity was done.

Much Later:

KAKUZU POV

I opened my eyes. All I could remember was the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki hitting me with that jutsu and killing my last two hearts. I had a hazy memory of fighting some more on a beach, but it seemed more like a dream than actual reality. I took in a breath, coughing hard as I sat up on what looked like to be an operation table.

"Son of a bitch," I heard a woman say. "I can't believe this actually worked."

"Of course it did!" said a much more familiar (and annoying) voice. "Welcome back, you old bastard."

"Hidan," I coughed as the woman handed me a glass of water. I drained it quickly and struggled to my feet. My legs wobbled from disuse and I almost fell over. "Where are we?"

"Kakuzu-san, please don't move," said the woman, helping me back up. "Your muscles have atrophied and your ankle tendons are tender from some of the treatments I gave you to speed your recovery. Not to mention your face is still tender from the reconstructive surgery."

"Surgery?" I asked as Hidan threw a mirror at my head. My hand automatically shot up and snatched it out of the air. I held it up to my face and scowled. The bottom half of my face was tightly wrapped in bandages, a small gap for my lips. "What did you do to my face?"

The woman swallowed at my tone and almost took a step backwards before she set her face. "I fixed it," she said. "I got rid of that scar across your mouth and gave you tissue transfers to replace dead muscle. You should thank me…now you don't have to wear a mask."

I grunted, moving my jaw around to test it. She was right about it being better. While the rest of my body was sore from the no doubt extensive surgery, my face and jaw felt fine.

"I'm not paying for this surgery," I said, shooting the both of them an "I'll kill you" glare.

"Told you he'd say that," Hidan said and the woman handed him a few bills with a sigh.

I scowled at my idiot partner and then noticed that there was something standing at the edge of the room…two things actually. One was a girl in a dress, holding a scythe that looked like it came out of a girly fairy tale. The other was a small child in a white dress that was trying to hide behind the other girl. My eyes narrowed as I felt their chakra. The taller girl was no doubt a wind user from the sharp slicing feeling of her chakra. But the little girl…hers was much different. It was almost like…Hashirama Senju!

Before I could confront her about her heritage, another man burst into the room. "Takami-sama!" he said. "We have a problem! Number Seven has escaped!"

"What?" the woman, Takami, shouted. "WHO LET THIS HAPPEN?"

"H-her adjuster, ma'am!" he stammered. "When I found out that he broke her he shut me in a closet and left. I-I think he's trying to make a run for the Chinese embassy."

The woman snarled and tossed a tray full of surgical supplies against the wall. "FUCK!" she yelled before turning to Hidan. "Think you can catch him?"

The zealot smirked and licked his lips. "Fuck yeah," he said, turning around and walking for the door. "Yomi, Kuu, let's go! We've got a heathen to sacrifice!"

"Yes, Hidan-sama/Oniichan!"

I blinked. Oniichan? Hidan-sama? Who in their right mind would call him that? Takami then turned to the new guy.

"Lock down the area," she said. "And find her fast!"

"No," I said, getting up. I forced the Jiongu to stabilize my muscles enough so that I could walk. "I'll find her. Consider this repayment for the surgery."

"You?" the new man said with a snort. "What could you possibly do to find Akitsu?"

I was going to kill the man but Takami spoke first. "He's a bounty hunter," she said. "And he's one of the best in the business. If you don't like it, tough luck."

She turned to me and pulled out a photo. "This is Akitsu," she said, handing me the picture. "Bring her back in one piece and then I'll answer your questions, got it?"

I nodded and pocketed the image before walking out. After a few turns I emerged out of the building and onto the street. It was much different than the world I was used to, but I just shrugged it off and looked at the photo, memorizing it before putting it away. After asking a few people if they had seen her, someone managed to tell me that he had seen Akitsu run into the park a few minutes ago. He said she would be hard to miss given what she was wearing, his nose bleeding when he said that. I ripped his heart out for that. Three things I can't stand: Hidan, spending money, and worthless perverts.

Finally I found her. She was sitting on a park bench in nothing but a bloodied lab coat. Her face was a little different than the photo, namely the large bird-shaped mark on her forehead. But other than that, it was a perfect match.

"Akitsu," I said, walking up to her.

She didn't respond, so I kept talking.

"I am Kakuzu," I said. "I've come to retrieve you for Takami. If you resist, I will hurt you, are we clear?"

"…please…kill me," she whispered.

I cocked an eyebrow. That was not something I usually heard from my bounties.

"Broken," she whispered. "I am a failure…I will never find my Ashikabi now…I am worthless…I deserve to die."

I thought about it for a second before I sighed. Why was I being so nice today?

I fired my arm at her, aiming for her throat. She moved fast, jumping away and launching a barrage of icicles at me.

_Hyoton?_ I thought as the storm of ice neared me, calling my hand back to my body. _I didn't expect that._

I quickly ran through the seals, calling on the chakra nature of the heart I had been given. "Katon: Zukkoku!"

The massive wave of flame burst from my mouth, melting the incoming shards before they could touch me. Had it been an earth element heart, I would have just hardened my skin with Doton: Domu enough to make them shatter against me. But fire would serve better against an ice user if she decided to prolong the fight.

The light brunette landed across the park from me, part of the lab coat seared from my jutsu. She wasn't winded at all, which was impressive.

"You have a good amount of skill to dodge my attack so quickly," I said, not taking my eyes off her. "If you are strong enough to fight me, then you will be worth something so someone. You are clearly worth more than Hidan by your level of Hyoton jutsu…but that worth will vanish if you continue to look down on yourself."

She was silent before she took a few steps forwards. I braced myself for another attack but her body language told me that she wasn't going to continue the fight. She stopped right in front of me and lifted her hand to her face. Her blank expression remained neutral as she began to unwind the bandages around my mouth.

"Ah," she said. "Kakuzu-san…will you be my Ashikabi?"

I kept my face neutral, despite the storm of questions ravaging my brain. I shook my head and glared at her. She didn't even blink. She just kept unwinding the cloth until it fell away from my body.

"Ah…please be my Ashikabi," she said.

I sighed. Even though this went against my better judgment, I had promised to bring her back to Takami…and settle my debt for the surgery that had saved my life.

"Yes," I said, wanting to get this over with.

She nodded and grabbed the back of my head, pulling my head close to hers. Because of my atrophied muscles, I couldn't react in time and found myself with my lips locked against hers. This was probably the first kiss I had gotten since I had been a boy in Takigakure.

"Even if I am broken," she said as she pulled away, the temperature of the park dropping noticeably, "Number Seven, Akitsu is yours now and forever, Kakuzu-sama."

I grunted and started walking back towards the building.

_I should have charged for this,_ I thought to myself as I led the half-nude woman back to Takami.

**POOR, POOR, MISER! NO MONEY FOR ALL HIS TROUBLE! **

**NOW TO ONE OF MY REVIWERS: **

**BLUE-HART: CONGRATULATIOSN, ITACHI UCHIHA WILL BE ADDED IN THE STORY! SUGGESTIONS FOR HIS SEKIREI WILL BEGIN NOW! **

**UPDATES WILL PROBABLY COME FASTER NOW THAT SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER AND MY FUCKING RESEARCH PAPER IS DONE. IF THERE ARE SCENES THAT YOU WANT ME TO WRITE, JUST GIVE A REVIEW AND MAYBE I'LL PUT THEM IN!**

**STAY FROSTY**

**MickDunD-Out!**


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